Equilibrium
by TheSummerWriter
Summary: AU. Komaeda Nagito has good luck and bad luck. It's not rocket-science to understand that if something good were to happen to him, something bad will happen soon after. Could there be an end to this tragic cycle for him?
1. Suffocation in Sympathy

So, this is my first time in the Dangan Ronpa side of this site, and I'm really excited. I loved both games and all of the characters. If anyone has constructive criticism, please don't hesitate in giving it to me. I want to give you guys the greatest experience I could give you. -Winter

* * *

 _1\. Suffocation in Sympathy_

Komaeda lives in the same house he shared with his parents. The house is big, and it's too big for only one person. Komaeda walks around, cleaning and thinking, to be reminded by the framed pictures on the shelves, desks, or on the end-tables of the family he used to have. While his parents were always busy with their jobs, he loved and still loves them unconditionally. His mother's embraces were fleeting, like a breeze in the night. His father's pats on the head were rough, but the remark that followed, "Good Nagito", always warms him just thinking about it. They were estranged, but he knew they loved him. They did, didn't they?

Komaeda doesn't remember. He remembers slightly, but he doesn't want to relive what little past he recalls. He's been living here for his whole adolescence, good and bad luck wearing him down and all he has. He still remembers his innocent puppy, Scrapper. Komaeda was walking back home, and then he saw it. His Scrapper was lying on the side of the road, unmoving and dead. Komaeda only stared in horror, and eventually, he broke down to heart-wrenching fits of crying. Neighbors had crowded him, sympathetically rubbing his back and comforting him as best as they knew.

His dog's death was overshadowed then, by his meeting of a girl. She became his closest friend and comforted him whenever he was feeling down. Komaeda felt like the two of them would last forever as friends, until he was kidnapped by a serial killer lurking their area. Komaeda was imprisoned for "ransom", but his parents were dead and the money had no heir but him. He didn't even know there was a combination for any vault, and the whole ordeal left Komaeda shaken.

He would bring people down to the cellar six feet below, and surgically carry out his murders. He was an expert at it. That could only explain why he hadn't been caught yet. Komaeda, tied up and muffled by the tape around his mouth, watched teary-eyed, and then, as the days passed, Komaeda's eyes blanked. He was willing to die in the hands of a murderer that would unlikely be caught, because at that rate, Komaeda had nothing to lose.

His parents were dead, his dog was dead, and the chances of him ever seeing that girl again were slight. He'll never see her mature into the beautiful, admirable woman she'll be. He'll never see her chase after her dream in becoming a photographer. He'll never see her fall in love and settle down. He'll never have that chance to tell her that he loved her, but all of that was okay. In the end, everyone he loves dies. So what should he try anymore?

As soon as the police found him, Komaeda promised to live in solitude. He works in an office environment, but he doesn't socialize too much. There are co-workers that want to know him, but he isn't worth being maimed or killed for to know. He is respectful enough, but he overdoes it sometimes. He knows he's self-destructive, but he sees no point in changing, because this cycle will never leave him be. Little does he know that his energy rubs off on his co-workers, like Hinata, Souda, and Hanamura.

"Aw, man." Souda sighs, rubbing the back of his neck. His unruly, bright pink hair falls to his shoulders, and there's two mini-braids at the front of his mane. He's sitting in his chair, sighing and vocalizing disappointment, just so Hanamura and Hinata's attentions are brought to him from their own cubicles.

Hanamura doesn't budge, but it doesn't take a sleuth to figure out why. Hinata just lifts his head, peeks, and sees that Hanamura is on a site of adult games, playing some S&M special. He shakes his head, groans, and sits back, telling himself to keep his frustration in check. Yeah, his co-workers are stupid, but his mother always told him to be polite anyways, because there are stupid people everywhere.

"What is it now, Souda?"

"Hinata, did you know Tsu-chan has a crush on Komaeda?" asks Souda quietly. He walks over to Hinata's cubicle, hands in the pockets of his yellow jumpsuit (and the boss should tell him to dress better, Hinata doesn't know why he's let off the hook with all the crap he does but doesn't question their authority), and leans his head in to whisper, but not to actually do it. He's only making it seem like they're privately discussing to get Hanamura's attention—

"What are you guys talking about that excludes _moi_?" Hanamura stands on his chair, peeking up, and Hinata almost laughs, almost, but he remembers what Souda said.

"Wait… Tsumiki-san likes Komaeda? Are you sure?" asks Hinata, bewildered. He doesn't know who he feels sorrier for. Secretary Tsumiki, for her skittishness and clumsiness that causes her to beat herself up through apologies, or Komaeda for being even more self-effacing than she is, but not as shy, just avoidant. He worries about this combination, because he doesn't know who it will end up wrecking more.

"Yeah. Do you see her face when she brings his paperwork?" Souda shakes his head.

"How scandalous." adds Hanamura conversationally, and Hinata wants to sock both of them.

"She plans on confessing to him."

"Are you serious? I've gotta be there!"

Hinata stares as they talk about it. He can't believe them. They're going to milk laughs from this, despite knowing how disastrous the outcome could be? Not only to the two parties involved, but everyone in this damned building that has to talk to those two at least once a work day?

"You guys," he doesn't know why he's even trying, but maybe, it's because deep down, through his peeves and grumpiness, he actually cares about his co-workers. He'll never admit it, though. "Are you sure this is okay to let happen?"

"Why not? It's for us!" Hanamura smirks, "It would be better if Mi-chan tripped over air and fell on Komaeda as she was going to confess to him—"

"Confess to me about what?" asks Komaeda, walking back to his desk. He's wearing a tidy, black suit. It's nothing fancy, but it is more professional than a yellow jumpsuit. He sits down in his chair, gray eyes staring at the two of them questioningly with his trademark smile. The smile that says, " _I'm Komaeda Nagito and whatever you need, I'll get it for you, because I'm trash, anyway_ ", and dammnit, Komaeda's words are literally inside of Hinata's head that it sears.

"Um…" Souda and Hanamura glance at Hinata, so Komaeda follows their eyes.

"Hinata-kun, what are they talking about?"

Hinata is panicking. He doesn't know why the hell he's associated with those two idiots anyway. What the hell did he do to deserve this? If Komaeda wasn't so damned weird, too, he would get along fine with the white-haired co-worker. Despite his inner turmoil, Hinata shrugs and says,

"Beats me. To be honest, I think they're just being idiots. You're better off ignoring them, Komaeda."

"If you say so, Hinata-kun." He lets it dismiss so easily, that Hinata is scared. Yet, the three of them walk to their rightful cubicles anyway, the office thick with tension. Komaeda is literally opposite of Hinata, Hanamura next to him, and Souda left to the break room, but Hinata knows better (he went to bother Sonia from Level 6).

Komaeda has nothing to do. He sits there, watching his computer screen blankly, restlessly. Contrary to what the three may think, he knows. He knows that they talk about him. He knows that they wonder about him. And he knows that Tsumiki Mikan harbors feelings for him. He knows from the way she smiles sweetly at him through her flushed face, adorning a lone mole under her right eye. He knows from the way she leans against him, arms brushing as she quickly files the paperwork right, saying that she forgot to before bringing them (but he truly wonders if she did). He knows from the way her pretty violet eyes linger on his face, and flit off to the side when he turns his head, worried he'll catch her stare, but he already did.

He wants to make her happy as much as _he wants to be happy_ , but his cycle has proven time and time again that he _doesn't_ deserve anything or anyone anymore. He can fall in love with someone or he can like something; he can want them and he can need them, but he can never have any of that fulfilled, or else… Or else, just like Scrapper, just like his parents, and just like…

Clouded memories of dark red hair fluttering in the warm, summer breeze and a freckled smile sends warmth crawling along his spine and he trembles delicately in his chair. His grays are wet, the memories and the realization stinging like salt on a fresh wound. He doesn't deserve to be happy, at all. He forces all of his feelings back, for the sake of the person or the object he feels for. When he can't take it anymore, he stands from his chair and wordlessly leaves, needing air and needing quiet.

He needs the air and the quiet, because this room is too loud and too closed off. This room is boisterous with tension. This room is suffocating with the sympathy, with the wonder, and with the grief. He doesn't want anymore of it, and Komaeda, for the thousandth time that day, wishes to disappear.


	2. The Good Luck, The Bad News

_2\. The Good Luck, The Bad News_

"Komaeda! Komaeda! _Komaeda!_ "

He snaps out of his train of thought, lurking nowhere but deeper below. Sheepishly smiling, his gray eyes meet narrowed greens, the snarl that twisted the sharp, pointed features of Hinata's face slowly disappears, replaced by a sigh of relief. Hinata shakes his head at Komaeda's absentmindedness, though, he's used to it. He shouldn't be, but in the moments that he and Komaeda are together (he suspects this with just about anyone), Komaeda will stare off at nothing and just _think_. If he wants to be second-decided company, he's doing a good job of achieving it. Nonetheless, Hinata invited him to lunch.

"I'm sorry, Hinata-kun. Did I upset you?" Komaeda's smile wavers slightly, Hinata almost feels better.

"How would you like it if I toned you out while you were talking?" Hinata crosses his arms over his chest, turning his gaze to the bustling city below them. There's honking horns from the traffic-enclosed cars, there's the clicking of busy footfalls of people walking different places, and there's the whispers of the sea breeze, carried miles from the shore to the city, brushing them from where they sit on the fourth floor balcony of their office building.

Hinata's always liked it up here. He feels like one of those generic protagonists from a romantic high school anime, eating lunch with his crush on the school rooftop and nostalgically gazing down at the campus from above as he rambles to said crush about how he loves the spot, and Hinata did not just compare having lunch with Komaeda up here as a high school boy's first date, did he?

"Hinata-kun, are you okay?" asks Komaeda, concerned. "Your face is red! Do you have a fever?"

" _I'm fine_!" cries Hinata, exasperated and shrilly. "Don't look."

"You don't sound fine." Komaeda frowns and he stands up from his chair. "Should I ask Tsumiki-san to come? She did train as a nurse for a short while… perhaps she could check your temperature to make sure."

"Komaeda, really, I'm fine!"

And from a lunch where Hinata planned to wring information out of Komaeda on his personal life, the pointy-haired brunette finds himself in Secretary Tsumiki's office. The office is sparse, save for the file cabinets, the desk with drawers, the plush chair, and the first aid kit. Everything about her office is impersonal, simple, and it makes Hinata depressed, because it feels lifeless. Meanwhile, Komaeda smiles through they're being there, hanging back as Tsumiki checks Hinata's tempature. Then again, Komaeda's cubicle is as impersonal as Tsumiki's office, so there's _that_ similarity between them.

"You're fine," Tsumiki smiles slightly, laughing small and nervous. "There was no need for you to be checked, Hinata-kun."

"It was Komaeda's idea!" Hinata blurts, crossing his arms and turning away from both of them, flushing.

Hinata glances at their silence. Tsumiki is blushing, a wider smile on her face. Komaeda isn't meeting her stare. His gray eyes are downcast to the carpeting of her office, as if he's bashful (or he's being avoidant). Hinata wants to leave them alone, run out of the office, and scream on his way to his cubicle that Souda's right.

"Komaeda-kun, you're a good friend, bringing Hinata-kun in."

"Ah, thankyou, Tsumiki-san." He looks up, blushing himself, and fidgeting. "I'm sorry to have bothered you, you must be so busy—"

"Oh no! I-I… I w-wasn't busy." She smiles, wringing her arms in front of her. "Um, w-well, I have reports to f-file, but I'm not—"

"I'm so sorry!" Komaeda cries despite her assurance, laughing nervously, breathlessly. "We should get going, and I'll be sure not to interrupt you anymore, Tsumiki-san!"

"Ah, Komaeda-kun—"

Komaeda pulls Hinata by the hand, and they're out of that office. Hinata doesn't know who he's more annoyed at; Komaeda for clearly ignoring the invitation Tsumiki set out, or Tsumiki for not straightforwardly saying how she feels. He's tempted to smack Komaeda on the head, but he holds it back when Komaeda pulls his hand away, back facing him.

"Thanks for the lunch, Hinata-kun… I know that spending it with trash like me must have been bothersome… You feel sorry, I get it." _Not this again. Komaeda, stop it._ "Don't put it on yourself to make me feel good. Garbage like me doesn't deserve to feel as good as someone important like you."

"Komaeda—"

"See you, Hinata-kun."

Komaeda walks away, and Hinata doesn't know what to do or how to explain how he feels in that moment, because in Komaeda's wake, there's always a whirlwind of confusing emotions, spinning him around from where he's left standing to stare after the white-haired man.

-2-

Komaeda goes to the house he never calls home. When he walks in, it's routine; he takes the jacket of his suit off, hangs it up on the rack by the door, and proceeds to heat up instant dinner in the fridge. He won't eat it until later, but it's something to do besides sitting on the couch, flipping through depressing television channels. He doesn't know what he'll do once the food is warm, if he learns that he isn't hungry enough to eat it.

Maybe he'll clean some room, or he'll shower and nap, even though it's three hours from being ten and the house is as clean as they come (also sparse). As the food heats in the microwave, Komaeda's thoughts trail off, and he's staring into space. He stares so much and thinks so deeply, that he doesn't register the doorbell ringing or the microwave beeping until the third time.

He blinks, running and opening the door. He would have expected it to be a delivery man, a robber, a policeman, anything or anyone, just not… Just not _her_. Standing there on his doormat is the childhood friend he had lost in being kidnapped, and she's more beautiful than she had been as a child. Her dark red hair that had fallen to the small of her back is now cut into a bob. Her gray eyes are brighter, almost teal, compared to his own. Her freckles are lighter, but still the rosy shade of color. Her body is… _more_ mature in the way that her legs are longer and, he tries not to notice, her chest is bigger. She's not the little duckling he had met in what felt so long ago.

"Koizumi-san," Komaeda smiles politely. "Long time no see. How are you?"

She raises her brow, curling her lip into a pout.

"Are you pretending that you _don't_ remember me? C'mon, Nagito! You can't be that mad at me, can you?"

"…Ah, it's just, we haven't seen each other for so long, and it would—"

"Look, I know I moved away without saying a word, and I still feel awful, but nothing changed the fact that you and I are good friends." She smiles at him, that freckled smile, and he warms up inside. Another reason he can't return Tsumiki's feelings for him is because his heart belonged and still belongs to his childhood sweetheart, and even though he feels so strongly for Mahiru, he knows he can't have either woman. His luck would intervene, and he'd never forgive himself if either suffered in being with him, no matter how much he loves. _"_ I've been looking out for you, you know. Now, I found you! I should have looked here first; typical of Nagito to be conservative, not move away or change the place up!"

"For what?" asks Komaeda, smiling small and laughing at her teasing remarks. Mahiru holds his hands in hers like they'll ring-around-a-rosie. Her hands are as small as his, but not as boney, and he's so thin, that she can see the blue-green veins pulsing through pasty flesh. It alarms her, because she knows that Nagito is still unwell, but she's here to make him feel better.

"For what?" Mahiru mocks. "Are you saying that I can't come find you, because I want to see you again?"

"Well, no… That's not it, you just kept me waiting so long, Mahiru-chan." Komaeda smiles at her, apologetic and genuine. He's almost going to spill everything out to her; how he feels, what he's thinking, and how much these past few years have been an unending hell for him, because the warmth of her is overwhelming him and her enrapturing body so close to his skinnier one is leaving him dizzy, leaving him pounding in the chest. He knows he's flushing, and that must be why she smiles—no, grins wider, but when he's twining his fingers with hers, he feels it.

It's a ring on her finger. It's a silver band with a graying diamond, and Komaeda's pounding heart stops for that second, and the warmth that he feels, just runs cold with his blood. He feels cold. He feels alone. He feels hollow, and his gray eyes just stare at the ring, in shock, and her eyes follow, and she innocently laughs _._

"Oh, yeah! I'm going to be getting married."

"To who?" he asks, voice barely steady.

"I want you to meet him before I talk about him!" she giggles, grinning again, and he's aching.

It's like seeing that ring has sunk him deeper below. And he smiles. He smiles at her, but not for her. No, Komaeda is smiling, because, in the good luck of Mahiru finding him, there's the bad luck that she is back, but not as his. And he's smiling so widely, he's sure his cheeks are hurting, and his eyes are stinging with tears, but he hugs Mahiru against him tight, boney fingers running to the back of her head, pressing her face gently into his shoulder. He doesn't want her to see his tears. He doesn't want her to know his pain. And she doesn't throughout the visit, because he holds it in for her.

The two of them sit at Komaeda's table, eating the instant dinner and drinking cups of tea, like they've been friends forever. Mahiru is so animated, so spirited, and so, so, so happy, that Komaeda knows if he opens his mouth and says anything between her rambling, he'll ruin it all. And Mahiru deserves so much better, that's why she's getting married soon. She says she'll have an untraditional but enormous wedding, as she will be married on a yacht and the yacht will take the newly wedded couple, and the guests, to a beautiful private island her fiancé owns. She's so eager, and Komaeda feels it.

He feels her elation in waves, threatening to burst out all the negativity welling up inside of him, but he ignores it. He ignores it. His face pales, his breathing heavies the slightest, his hands ball to fists underneath the table, and he's going to scream if she doesn't stop. He's going to lose himself, and he can't stop it, but he can't let Mahiru see him like this… He can't let her beautiful smile fall into a frown.

"It's going to be beautiful…" Mahiru sighs, dreamy and distant.

"When will I meet the lucky guy?" asks Komaeda, laughing softly and smiling his trademark smile. It's all out of his own irony, of course.

Mahiru doesn't know the undertone of the smile, but she thinks it's cute. She loves how Komaeda lets her talk, listening to her go on and on and on, even though she knows she must be annoying. She loves how Komaeda's eyes are on her own throughout her conversing, like he wouldn't want to look at anything or anyone else but her, and she shouldn't feel this way, because she's engaged and in love with someone else, but distantly, she knows, she knows that if they hadn't been separated, she would have been with Komaeda. Even she can't completely ignore that they're distant strangers feigning comfort in one another.

She does love him, in a brotherly sense, but there's that cluelessness of not knowing much of anything that makes her feel far from him. There's heavy, dark bags under his eyes, deprivation of sleep; there's the hollowness of his pasty flesh, so hollow, that when he turns his head a certain angle, Mahiru sees the bone of his collar; there's the sluggish way he moves, like he's about to collapse, but he's holding it back, and it worries her so much, she wants to ask, but she knows she can't. There's an ominous warning in her gut, and she feels better distracting him instead of asking.

"How about next weekend?" suggests Mahiru, smiling warmly, despite the confliction inside of her. He should take better care of himself she wants to chastise. He's a grown man, after all, and contrary to his appearance, he's strong enough to look after himself, too. Despite her certainty of that, the doubt is stronger. She's worried, and she can't pretend she isn't.

"I'll see about that." He laughs, resting his chin against the palm of his hand, eyes fluttering.

He must be really tired, she thinks, but thinks secondly of it, as it has to be the greatest understatement with those bags under his eyes. She stands from her chair, walks over, and pecks the top of his head. Komaeda's eyes close, and that peck was so fleeting, so brief, but his head is lingering with the warmth of her full lips. With his eyes half-closed, he can dully imagine what it would feel like to press his lips against hers. He knows that he would be clumsy, inexperienced, but he's sure that she would laugh against his lips, all freckles and flushing, and then, she would dominate the kiss with her experience, being engaged and all, and as her friend, he shouldn't think this way… but he can't stop his vision from blacking and falling fast asleep on the table.

Mahiru sighs quietly, softly. She pulls Komaeda from the chair, he's alarmingly weightless, and she takes him to a bedroom. She doesn't know the difference between the bedrooms here, but one of them is in the downstairs hallway, and it's the sparsest thing Mahiru lays eyes on in this whole damned house. The wide window blinds are shut enough that moonlight bleeds through, leaving the room the lightest of blues, and there's only a sheeted, made bed, that looks as if it hasn't been slept in… in decades?

She lays him down, unfastening the buttons on his dress shirt. He lays there, chest heaving in shallow, light breaths. When she gets to the fourth button, she pulls his brown hush-puppies off and readjusts him on the bed. It squeaks quietly in protest. She pulls the sheets over him. It feels wrong leaving him there like that. Frowning in confusion and confliction, she stares at his face.

It's the face of a restless young man forced to grow up too fast, she thinks, reaching her dainty fingers out and stroking strands of his hair from his forehead. The temptation to kiss his petal-like lips, parted in those shallow breaths, is strong, but she doesn't. Instead, she kisses his forehead again, pushing the last of those white strands from his face, and walks away. She walks out of his life for a little awhile again, but this time, she's sure to leave her number hanging on his fridge.

And when he hears her car start up, Komaeda's glistening grays open. It's only when she drives away, the engine sounding more distant, that he lets himself cry into the pillows. He cries hard through the night, never sleeping.


	3. Understanding

_3\. Understanding_

Komaeda is at his worst, his co-workers are noticing. He went from self-effacing to destructive in one week, and he's not smiling anymore. He doesn't even try. They'll walk in to their stations at the proper time of morning, and Komaeda is already sitting in his cubicle, taking calls and typing up reports for Secretary Tsumiki to file and deliver for him. Komaeda is angry, screaming at an annoying customer on the phone, and his eyes are swirling dangerously, his hands are thrown into the air, emphasizing how tight he'll choke himself if the idiot on the other line doesn't quit doing this or that, and it's one of the wildest things Hinata has seen in his life.

Then again, Hinata doesn't have much of a life. Hanamura and Souda are shaking in their chairs. When Komaeda is off-call, seething so intently, there might have been black energy shrouding him whole, Souda nervously dismisses himself to fix the vending machine, as it "got stuck and chewed up Yamada's money again". Hanamura actually puts his headphones on and plays the adult games to his heart's content. He never spares anyone the moans, groans, and cries of the vocal women, but this time, he's too frightened of Komaeda to test his endurance. So, Hinata is the only unplugged presence there is.

He's nervous, he'll admit, but he's not scared. At least, not as much as the rest of them, but there's still hope! Tsumiki will come down here soon, and she can talk to Komaeda. For now, the three of them sit in their cubicles. Hanamura plays his games. Komaeda seethes, breathing harshly and mumbling low threats of suicide, and Hinata sits, listening to the two of them, and he thinks he should tell someone or do something, but what?

"….I'm going to get a drink." Hinata stands from his chair.

"What for?" asks Komaeda before Hanamura notices Hinata about to leave the pervert with the psycho. And Komaeda's voice is so terse, so hard, Hinata almost winces. "Souda is fixing the vending machine. How will you get a drink with a broken machine?"

"It should be fixed by now."

"He hasn't come back."

"If I check on him, I think he'll hurry up."

"You don't want to be near me, do you, Hinata-kun?"

Hinata sighs loudly. Hanamura perks up. Komaeda squeezes his eyes shut. Why the hell does Komaeda always have to pull that self-effacing card on him? On anyone? He wants to know, he wants to understand, but dammnit, this guy can be so unbearable—Hinata is actually considering what it would feel like to wrap his hands around that neck. But Tsumiki, bless her heart, comes from around the corner with files and stops something from happening, by making something else happen.

"Komaeda-kun! I have your _—Uwah_!" She cries out, tripping, and her hands flail to catch herself, sending papers and folders flying for Hinata to catch warily, but despite her attempts to catch herself… She face plants on Komaeda's lap, his hands barely catching her by the shoulders to stop the full impact of the fall. Her flushing face warms Komaeda's lap, and his pained face blanks and pales, eyes widening.

Hanamura laughs. Hinata restacks the papers into their rightful folders, glances, and mouth falls open in horror. Tsumiki pulls her head up, eyes watering and mouth screaming out. Komaeda just sits there, his hands out from where he caught her shoulders and his eyes wide.

"I'm s-s-so s-sorry, Komaeda-kun! I d-didn't m-mean to! Pl-please forgive m-me! Komaeda-kun!" She clasps her hands together, bowing in front of him and bursting into embarrassed tears.

Hanamura laughs harder, smirking and tearing up from the hilarity of the situation. Hinata's face reddens, in anger. Is Hanamura seriously laughing at that? Tsumiki is crying for Monokoma-kami's sake! At her screaming, Souda runs into the room with Yamada and Sonia from Level 6. They're concerned, worried, and when they see the scene, they piece it together. It's Hanamura laughing and Tsumiki crying, after all. Besides, Tsumiki's history as a klutz… kind of goes far back.

"Oh, my!" Sonia claps her hand to her mouth, horrified. "Are you two alright?"

Yamada gaps, eyes lighting up. No doubt this scene fits his revenue of good ideas in cliché ways to advance a romance in one of his fanfictions. He stands by Hanamura, amused. Souda stares, long and quiet, before he starts to snicker. Is Hinata the only guy in this damned room that can keep himself together? They're all just being pricks!

"Komaeda-kun—"

Komaeda snaps out of it, blank, and glances down at Tsumiki.

"You're forgiven." He says distantly, standing and walking out of the building without another word.

Tsumiki stares after him, and then, she cries hard. Sonia kneels down, pulling the raven into her arms and hugging tight. The blonde comforts her, assuring her that it's not her fault. At the crying fit, Hanamura and Souda fall silent, second-thinking themselves, and Hinata wants to punch the shit out of both of them.

"Hinata-san, do you know perchance, why Komaeda-san is upset?" asks Sonia gently, hugging Tsumiki against her.

Hinata shrugs.

"He was like that all day."

"…And you two think this is funny?!" Sonia stares at Souda and Hanamura in disbelief. "You should be ashamed of yourselves! As if Komaeda-san wasn't upset enough, and to go as far as laughing at Tsumiki-san!"

 _"_ I'm sorry, Sonia-san!" Souda cries.

"…But the way she landed, it was clearly on purpose!" adds Hanamura defensively. "Tsu-chan likes Komaeda, and for her to land face down on his lap… Quite bold, Tsu-chan!"

"I d-d-didn't m-mean to!" She cries out from Sonia's shoulder.

"Your secret move is safe with me." Hanamura hums delightfully, pulling out his comb from the breastpocket of his suit jacket and combing his hair back. "As long as you promise to do it on meee sometime… Hm?"

"…" Everyone glares at him, but crying Tsumiki.

Hanamura is cold-shouldered for the rest of the day.

-3-

Sonia urged Souda and Hanamura to apologize to Komaeda, under Hinata's watch. Not only is Hinata annoyed at this, but they know nothing about Komaeda. No one has his phone number, his address, or anything. If something were likely to happen to Komaeda, they would never know. So, before Hinata called a cab to pick them up, he snuck into the office archives, mentally wrote down Komaeda's address in his head, and met the three outside to wait for their cab another fifteen minutes more. Sonia bid them goodbye as they climbed into the cab, still worried and upset about earlier to Souda's regret. Having sat in between the arguing duo, Hinata had a lot of time to think in drowning them out. It's when the three are outside of Komaeda's house that Hinata needs to know.

He needs to know Komaeda Nagito, and maybe, he doesn't need to know every piece of information, but he needs to know enough to understand why he is the way he is. Nobody with a freaking white picket fence and house as big as his could be unhappy. White picket fences mean happy family, seriously. It's one of the many rules in Real Estate and Home Design (no, Hinata is making this all up). Souda's jaw drops, cerise eyes wide. Hanamura gaps, too. They're both in shock, and while Hinata normally wouldn't put it past them, all he can think about is how big of idiots they are to insult Komaeda through laughter, through whispered remarks, through just about anything for the hell of it. And, now, in their shock, he's sure they're beginning to realize how much it will bite them in the ass later, messing with a millionaire, by the looks of the house.

Hinata sighs, unlatching the white gate and walking ahead on that stone walkway to the porch. Left side of the porch is a white swing, matching the picket fence, yet something about how the swing only slightly goes back and forth leaves Hinata's chest heavy. His palms are sweating, his throat is clogging up, and he's nervous. It's only Komaeda, he reminds himself, and he's not one of the guys who laughed! He's not the one here to apologize. He's only here, because Sonia wanted him to make sure that these idiots apologize to Komaeda's face respectfully. Forcing himself to calm down, Hinata reaches his hand out and... he rings the doorbell.

It's the third ring that Hanamura and Souda walk up behind him. It's the seventh ring that Komaeda answers. Komaeda pulls the door open, and Hinata stares, because he's underdressed, but he is at home. Who wouldn't be underdressed in the comfort of their home? Komaeda wears his white shirt with that odd red mark and his plaid, gray boxers. He stares blankly, but questioningly at them, uninterested in how they found his address; uninterested in the shocked looks on his co-worker's faces; uninterested in... pretty much everything. His blank stare reminds Hinata of his distant relative, Kamukura.

"Hey, Komaeda." says Hinata. "They're here to apologize for earlier." He glances at them and side-steps for them to walk up to where he stood.

Komaeda gazes at them, expectant.

"We're sorry..." begins Souda, flushing in embarrassment. "For, um... laughing at you."

"Yeah, no hard feelin's though, right?" Hanamura's accent drops into his sentences thickly when he's nervous, scared, or feeling under pressure. Komaeda has to admit, knowing the little embarrassed mannerisms of his co-workers pays off, but he derives no pleasure for it. He's too faraway to care how uncomfortable they are right now. Hinata, on the other hand, thinks they deserve to be nervous.

"You're forgiven." but the white-haired man says it so dully, why wouldn't they get the opposite impression? "If that's it, could the three of you please leave now?"

They wince at his words, but Hinata isn't easily shaken.

"I'll call you guys a cab." he glances at them, nodding for them to get the hell off of Komaeda's porch. They comply without question, but maybe it's because of the heavy pressure Komaeda's iciness and Hinata's glare have combined. Hinata ignores Komaeda's look as he dials on his phone. Only thirty minutes later does the cab drive up and take Hanamura and Souda off to wherever they venture to after work hours. Hinata thinks they'll hit it off at a bar, try to forget this happened to feel better tomorrow. It would be for the sake of their crushed pride.

"I'm pretty sure I said, "three of you leave"." Komaeda furrows his brow in an expression that's between inquiry and a scowl.

"No, you asked." Hinata corrects. "And, I'm saying no to leaving. I want to talk to you, Komaeda. Can I come in?"

"Do yourself a favor, Hinata," Komaeda leans closer to the other's face, too close for comfort, and he whispers. "Go away."

The lack of "kun" nearly makes him wince, but when Hinata needs to get something done, _he needs to damn get it done_. He pushes Komaeda away from him, into his own house, and fastens the door behind him. Komaeda stares at him, in shock, and then scowls again.

"Hinata-"

"It's driving me crazy, Komaeda!" snaps Hinata angrily. "I'm sick of not knowing anything! I'm sick of... not understanding you." His voice and expression softens. He's frowning, crossing his arms over his chest. At the last of his sentence, Komaeda's scowl falls, and he turns his head away, face becoming shadowed.

"Please, Hinata-kun... Just leave." His voice shakes, and then, his whole body is shaking. His delicate, hollowed body in its paleness shakes so much. He's going to tumble to the ground, and he's going to tumble hard, but Hinata swoops down and catches him in his arms. "If you leave now, we can pretend we don't know each other... That this never happened. _Please_ , Hinata-kun..."

"Komaeda, what if I don't want to?" asks the brunette.

"Hinata-kun..." Komaeda's voice cracks, tears stinging his eyes. "You don't want to understand me. No one does. It's for your own safety that you should leave-"

"Shut up!" Hinata growls, face twisting into his own scowl. "I didn't come here for you to push me away. I came here to know who you are. Don't you get it? I've been trying to know you ever since you transferred to our office."

And he did. Hinata was the first one to converse with Komaeda when he was new. Hinata was the one to show him around the building. Hinata was the one to welcome him the warmest out of the co-workers, Sonia and Tsumiki falling into close-seconds, but not quite. Hinata was closer to Komaeda than those two, their cubicles were opposite, and in the first week of working there, Komaeda felt like he made a friend. Then, he remembered that he couldn't have a friend, because anyone or anything he ever loved or liked... His parents, Scrapper, Mahiru... but if Hinata...

Komaeda bawls, crying into his palms and he's shaking harder than a leaf. Hinata frowns, holding Komaeda gently in his arms. He doesn't know why he's crying or trying so hard to push him away, but he wants to. So, in his patience and in a kindness he isn't too aware of, he holds Komaeda silently, and lets him weep. He weeps awhile, but they're on the couch now. Hinata is sitting upright against the cushions, and Komaeda is curled up against his side, a blanket wrapped around him.

"I'm sorry, Hinata-kun." Komaeda whispers against Hinata's shoulder.

"You could make it up to me by answering me, don't you think?" Hinata requests it lightly. He doesn't want to make Komaeda cry again, but he doesn't want his efforts to be in vain either.

"It's a really long story," Komaeda's nose is stuffy, and when he talks, Hinata hears how stuffy it is. He smiles a little at that, because he finds it cute, and did he just call Komaeda cute? "Hinata-kun, you're red, again."

"Don't change the subject, idiot." Hinata reaches over to the coffee table, plucking a tissue from the box and blowing Komaeda's nose for him.

Komaeda flushes, embarrassed.

"Hinata-kun, I can blow my own nose!"

"..." Hinata turns a darker red, because all of those shounen-ai implications between boys in the little things they do for each other in anime is coming back, and it's mocking him. He growls, "Stop looking, and just tell the story."

Komaeda teases him a little more, but he goes into the long story of how it all started. As he tells it, the back of his head rests on Hinata's shoulder, facing away from the greens staring at him. Komaeda pulls the blanket closer to his frame, but it's close enough. Remembering the death of everyone in that plane, including his parents', leaves him cold, because he remembers the wintry obstacle he walked through to escape the scene. Tear-stained, scared, and shaking, little Komaeda had walked through the snowfall, searching for a solution that didn't exist. He squeezes his eyes shut, tears threatening to fall. He shakes like he's going to bawl again, especially when he talks about Scrapper, and Hinata's hand rests on Komaeda's shoulder, squeezing. By the end of it, Komaeda is sobbing and the tissue box is nearly empty.

"And... she's g-getting m-married s-soon..." he concludes, voice nasal and shaky. "I love her so much, Hinata-kun... what can I do? What is there for me to do? What's the point anymore, if there's _no more hope for me to cling to_?"


	4. Start

**Warnings: Mentions of depression, suicide attempt, suicidal thinking, self-loathing, psychological problems, and the whatnot to expect from Komaeda. Proceed at your own risk. You were warned.** (It gets better towards the end.) **-Winter**

* * *

 _4\. Start_

By the time Komaeda was returned to his parents' estate from the ransom, he wasn't shaken anymore, but he was all alone. Scrapper was dead, run to death by a car that doubtlessly sped by, even when they bumped on through him. His parents were dead from a hijacking, and then a falling meteorite that killed everyone in the plane, except Komaeda. Somehow, he was cursed the moment he was disconnected from his mother's womb. He had nothing and no one, but the money.

Money can buy anything, but not love or happiness. Komaeda could have easily bought himself a new family, couldn't he? He doesn't doubt that, but it would have never been a genuine family. He was alone, and he vaguely knew what to do with the house or himself, but he was learning. When he didn't clean something right, he punished himself. Sometimes he would slap himself across the face, or other times, he would…

Blood trickled his wrist from where angry red lines trailed to his underarm. Komaeda was lying in the bathtub once, half naked and drugged with painkillers, holding a knife to his chest. The house was drafty, as he dropped the temperature to the low fifties. He dragged the blade across his opposite wrist, face blank.

"You're a failure…" he hissed to himself. "You forgot to dust the attic, and their room! Oh, please… don't be so mad at me. I… I won't do it again." Tears stung his eyes, but an oppressive smile twitched his lips. "Yeah right, you piece of trash." He sunk the blade deep into his wrist, and he cried out lowly. The tears spilled his cheeks, and his head tossed back against the rim of the tub, searing his skull. It didn't hurt, at all, because he was numb, all thanks to the painkillers. He couldn't even feel his heartache anymore!

"It's so good…" he whispered to himself, laughing breathlessly.

His blood spilled down, seeping down the drain. He'll corrupt the sewage waterways, he thought, with his poisonous blood. His eyelids flickered, gray eyes dimming. His chest heaved, lighter and slighter each rise. He was falling asleep. He smiled the widest smile he ever made in a long time, and his vision was spotting with black… The bathroom door was suddenly pulled open to reveal a surprised neighbor that hurriedly saved his life and had him hospitalized. Since his attempted suicide in his early adolescence and the discovery of severe self-discipline, Komaeda was never left alone in the house for too long.

Each neighbor contributed to cleaning his house and cooking his dinner for him, like servants, and as soon as the forced, private therapy sessions reached deadline, Komaeda apologized to all of them and sent them away. He wouldn't bind anyone to his volatile fate. He tried killing himself only a month later from their dismissal. Instead of bleeding out, which was admittedly a slow death that begged to be stopped mid-occurrence, he went for something more straightforward. He went for poisoning.

It was unplanned; a spur in the moment. He saved his parents' money, going to thrifty shops and going to something-cents laundry mats to stay in the low zone of spending. It's what they would want, he assumed. He was separating his clothes, the whites from the colors, and he looked up to see the bottle of bleach. He was a mess back then, fresh off of therapy and back to seclusion without the neighbors to babysit his sixteen year old self. He had hollow skin, bags under his eyes, and a restlessness that limped him in his walking. He put his colors into the machine and walked away with the bleach into the bathroom. And in that miraculous luck of his, when he took a sip within the stall, he discovered that the bottle of bleach was empty. He swore it felt weighted carrying it to the bathroom.

By the time he was an adult, he long accepted the misery of his curse and gift, but that didn't stop the cravings from time to time. He found himself wanting the comfort of a knife sinking into his pale flesh, knowing that it would leave angrily bleeding marks of crimson. He found himself wanting to forget how to feel from the painkillers, because it convinced him that he was hopeless; that he was distant enough to die. But out of the dangerous, self-harming cravings he had, he just wanted to disappear and forget. He wanted to drift into a sea of nothingness where his mind was as blank as his eyes open or closed. He wanted to be mindless, unconscious. He wanted to be… anything, but _himself_.

"Trash." He hissed to himself, looking into the foggy mirror in his bathroom. He was nude waist-up, only in his boxers that night. There were all kinds of old scars on his wrists, but one on his chest. He held his wrist up to his face, smirked, and while holding his own gaze, he said, "You're a coward, because no matter how much you want to die, you're always too scared to pull through with it. Coward. Trash. Just disappear and die painfully."

Those were the nights he was most restless, rocking to himself in a corner, distracting himself from that hunger to _just be in pain_.

-4-

Komaeda lays wrapped in Hinata's arms on the couch. His eyes are half-closed, cheeks tear stained, and lips parted in shaky, uneven breaths he takes. He's freezing to his core, even being so close to Hinata; even being in Hinata's arms; even being within Hinata's warmth, he's just cold. He's shivering, and Hinata is conflicted.

Hinata believes everything Komaeda says, despite how farfetched of a concept it would be to anyone else. It's funny, because if the situations weren't so ridiculously unbelievable in how they synchronized in occurring, it would be shrugged off or questioned. But it's in the way that Komaeda cries, shakes, and sobs in his storytelling that Hinata has no room to be skeptical. Komaeda's eyes are distant, as thick as the gray clouds warning of a storm, and it worries Hinata, because he's quieted, and then, he's stopped shivering.

"Everyone leaves me or dies, Hinata-kun." Komaeda whispers against Hinata's arm. "You will, too."

Komaeda smiles weakly, pulling himself away and walking to the kitchen. He knows Hinata will walk out of his life now, especially when he told him all of that. Who would want to hear all of that? Who would want to imagine all of that? Who would want to know him? He warned Hinata so many times, and yet, his heart wrenches at the thought of losing someone else, even a friend.

"You're wrong." Hinata sits all the way up, staring after Komaeda. "I want to go with you."

"Go where?" asks Komaeda, warming up an instant dinner from the fridge to distract himself.

"To meet her fiancé and the wedding."

"It's something I have to face alone, Hinata-kun."

"You don't have to, Komaeda." Hinata argues gently. "You feel like you have to fight this alone, because you've always been alone, but you're not this time." He hesitates. "I'm here, and I want to be here."

"You're lying." Komaeda doesn't face him, his eyes are stinging with tears. He knows Hinata is just being sincere out of sympathy. He should be so used to sympathy that the gestures shouldn't matter anymore, but it still discomforts him. It still upsets him more than the fact that he lost.

"I'm not." Hinata is walking closer, and Komaeda's heart pounds in his chest.

"Hinata-kun, we can't be friends." Komaeda's voice shakes, in panic and in his own sadness. "Don't you understand? You'll only hurt, because of me—"

"I do get it." Hinata cuts him off, spinning the pale man around so their eyes meet. "I just don't care. You think I'll back out now? After I've tried many times to get this far?"

"…But Hinata-kun…" If he's being this gentle, this kind to him… Komaeda will fall apart. Tears are threatening to fall and his mouth is stuck open without words to spill. Hinata gets it. He pulls him into his arms, and he hugs him. Komaeda lets it happen, closing his eyes and hugging him back, tight. When the instant dinner is all warmed up, they're sitting opposite of each other at the dining table, like Komaeda did with Mahiru, except the atmosphere is warmer, despite the depression of the sparse house.

"She doesn't know when the wedding is, but I agreed to meet her fiancé this weekend." says Komaeda, "She says that the wedding will be big. It's on a cruise, and the honeymoon is shared with the guests, on a private island."

"…Sounds like he has money." Hinata raises his eyebrow. "What does she do?"

"…I don't like what you're suggesting." Komaeda stares at him seriously, and Hinata drops his suspicion.

"Okay, okay." He holds his hands up. "I just thought—"

"You're thinking wrong." But Komaeda's voice is soft, as if he weren't defensive at all.

"What do you think about that?" asks Hinata. "The whole private island being shared with the guests while they're on honeymoon?"

"…As long as Mahiru is happy—"

"Komaeda, I want your opinion. Think about yourself for a second, not her."

"I can't."

"I know you can."

"Say, Hinata-kun," Komaeda glances at his plate, and then, smiles small at Hinata. "Want to eat the rest? I'm not hungry."

"We have a lot to work on." Hinata shakes his head, but he doesn't regret his decision to understand.

The two talk about other things afterwards, because Komaeda needs that distraction. They're sitting back on the couch together now, Komaeda wrapped in the blanket and Hinata contented with their conversation now that the droning of the television is on, even with the lowest of volume. They talk about how Hanamura didn't belong in the office environment; that he should be following up on his mother's restaurant like he planned. They talk about how Souda shouldn't pose as a typewriter, when he clearly belonged in an automobile repair shop, where he could be underneath cars all day, black splattering him and its stains on his yellow jumpsuit making it easier to set eyes on something so bright and... yellow. They talk about how Yamada is very passionate about his writings, but he can't come up with his own characters to run away very far, so maybe he is better off where he is, and they laugh, because they agree about that. They agree on how Sonia is too authoritative, too polite, and too fair to be a typewriter in the first place, but when they get to Tsumiki, Komaeda fidgets.

"Didn't you say she trained as a nurse for a short while?" asks Hinata.

"Oh, yes." Komaeda nods, staring at his hands. "She probably would have stayed a nurse, if she wasn't so anxious."

"Panic attacks?"

"A lot of them."

"...Hey, Komaeda." Hinata stares at him.

"No, Hinata-kun," Komaeda smiles, turning to meet his stare. "I can't fall out of love and into love like that."

"..." Hinata flushes, because he doesn't know how Komaeda knew what he was going to say.

"Even if I did... what's the point? My cycle would make Tsumiki-san unhappy, too." he closes his eyes.

"Hey, Komaeda."

"Yes, Hinata-kun?"

"What if we try breaking the cycle?"

Komaeda giggles. He actually giggles, and he can't help himself. He palms his mouth, muffling his giggling and hiding the silly smile. Hinata snorts, annoyed. He's trying to help Komaeda out here, and the white-haired man laughs at him! What the hell?

"Just how would we do that, Hinata-kun?" he asks, smiling against his palm. Then, he leans his head against his fist, interested and attentive.

"Well, it's not happening over night, and it would take baby steps..." Hinata glances, thinking to himself, and then... "Actually, what if we made it look like you moved on from Mahiru?" Tricking her would be like tricking the cycle of his luck, wouldn't it? thinks Hinata, pensively staring at Komaeda. Komaeda raises his eyebrow, needing Hinata to be more specific. He might misunderstand otherwise.

"Like, you'd have a pretend partner that you were in a pseudo-relationship with."

"Hinata-kun, you realize that... I'll be meeting her fiancé this weekend, right?"

"It would have been a pseudo-secret-relationship!"

"And just who do you think would be willing to be my pretend partner?"

And that's when Hinata grins mischievously, Komaeda is actually scared.


	5. Operation Break Cycle, I

**Acknowledgments:**

To Ninok- Actually, I thought without Hope's Peak's Academy and the Ultimates, Komaeda's attitude towards his cycle would be contrary to how optimistic he is during the events of Goodbye Despair, and that's where I based my characterization of him from. I'm glad it works out well ( _I was kind of nervous_ )! When I had this concept in my mind, "Equilibrium" was the first word in my head for a title. It definitely does fit Komaeda's situation, and I really like the way it sounds, too.

To Guest and ComplicatedMystery- This is where the fic goes from despair-inducing to hopeful and "humorous"... xD This is a long chapter, I hope it mends your despair syndrome!

P.S Many thanks to the three of you for reviewing! This fandom is going to squeeze the life out of me, and I am so okay with that!

* * *

 _5\. Operation Break Cycle, I_

The office had been brimming with energy and joy-filled determination throughout the past two days, all thanks to Hinata's involvement in Komaeda's situation. He ended up spending the night on Wednesday in one of the guest rooms downstairs, sleeping the night off heavily as soon as he adjusted to the sparse surroundings, and advancing his secret plan to help in stifling Komaeda's luck cycle. Komaeda, too, had slept for once. He had a good six hours filled with rest, and the bags were scarce on his pale skin, but knowing of Hinata's secret planning, he'd been nervous. On Thursday morning, they walked into the office together, Hinata borrowing one of Komaeda's tailored suits, to be warmly greeted by their apprehensive co-workers.

Souda and Hanamura re-apologized, but Komaeda pouring out all kinds of energy and smiling radiantly, accepted their apologies and advised them not to worry about it. Sonia, elated, hugged him and asked him to come to her if he needed anything, with Souda chimed in. Hanamura left a platter of cellophane wrapped fruitcake on Komaeda's desk with a note. Tsumiki brought him his favorite flavor of coffee, creamed and sweetened the way he liked it. He thanked her, smiling. Blushing to her ears, she walked away, relieved, and eagerly consulted Sonia upstairs. Hinata watched across from Komaeda, contented. That Thursday hadn't been so bad.

For Hinata, the week flew fast to Friday, but for Komaeda, it had gone by slowly. From Thursday to now, Friday afternoon in the office, he's been squirming in his chair. Thursday night, Hinata told him that he would tell him all about the plans for the weekend as soon as they were off work tomorrow, but time has slowed down. Komaeda can't contain himself. He's excited, he's nervous, and he's scared—but it's all so pleasant! It's all so pleasant to him, because he enjoys feeling how his stomach flops from the inside; he enjoys feeling the blood rush of anxious excitement; he enjoys feeling overly warm, and when he knows he can't take it anymore…

"Hinata-kunnn!"

"What?"

"What are you planning?"

Komaeda is like a child in a twenty-two year old's body, Hinata thinks. However, he can't be faulted too heavily for that, as he was forced by the situations in his life to assume adulthood for himself. Yet, the elation from the miniscule noises he makes out of that mouth dropped open to a wide smile, like a baby when their eyes fall upon something so foreign and interesting, and the impatience in the way that his gray eyes are so wide, bright, and starry-eyed, Hinata can't see him as anything less or more. But that look on his face is always better than his despair. Yeah, Komaeda looks a lot better like this. Hinata almost smiles, but he knows if he does, it will take this moment away.

"Get back to work, Komaeda."

"But I can't!" he cries, whining and pouting.

"You can do it." Hinata winks.

Meanwhile, Souda and Hanamura are watching this scene questioningly. To Hinata and Komaeda, they're being themselves, but to Souda and Hanamura… Souda raises his brow, tilting his head the slightest. Hanamura stares, a slow smirk crossing his face. They exchange looks.

"But I can't!" frowns Komaeda. "Pleeeeease, Hinata-kun?!"

Hanamura gasps, clapping his hands to his mouth as his face heats up and his eyes kind of roll, his smirk getting wider. Horror and confusion dawns on Souda's face, because he gets it. Hinata and Komaeda both glance at them. Hanamura immediately straightens.

"What are you guys talking about?" asks Hanamura.

"Something—" begins Hinata.

"Hinata-kun refuses to tell me _our_ plans for the weekend, and the suspense is killing me!" Komaeda blurts in one breath, slamming his face down on his own desk in defeat, because Hinata just won't tell him. Hinata gaps. Did he just say that? Now they will get the wrong idea!

"….Oh." Souda and Hanamura glance at each other, then at Hinata.

"Oh…" Souda laughs nervously, grinning crookedly. "That's… that's n-nice!"

Hanamura turns beet-red again, nose trickling blood.

"That's _very_ nice!"

"…" Hinata's face immediately blanks, and they stop their implications.

The clock hits five in the evening, and everyone leaves at their own time from there. Souda and Hanamura are hasty to leave, because they know that the last one in the floor has to check through everything and turn off all the lights, because the damned boss is so precise about the smallest things. Komaeda and Hinata are the last ones. Komaeda is very unhappy about it, because he feels like everything and anything happens to stop him from learning Hinata's plans and he stomps his foot like a child. Hinata laughs, he can't help it.

They make the rounds to the different rooms in their floor. Hinata goes to the break room and the bathroom. Komaeda checks everyone's cubicles, the offices, and when they're both all done flicking switches and locking up doors, they're on the elevator. Komaeda is shifting, humming an upbeat tune to outdo the dull elevator music. Hinata's hands are in his pockets, his gaze ahead of him as he listlessly waits. The elevator going down feels like an eternity, despite them being on the fourth floor.

"Hinata-kun, what about _now_ ~?"

"Wait, Komaeda."

"But I've been waiting all day!"

The elevator doors part with a musical "ding!". The two walk out. As soon as they do, Hinata holds Komaeda's hand, pulling him. Komaeda blinks, then eagerly smiles. The lady behind the check-in counter in the lobby stares at them weirdly, but Hinata lost a care in the world when their grandfather clock hit five. They're walking through the crowded side-streets, energetic and hasty. It's infectious, this excitement and energy of Komaeda's. Bypassers on their busy ways glance at him, curious. The sun is setting, and the pastel red and blue sky is fuzzy, but it's very scenic for their ventures.

Hinata stops at the bridge. He promised to tell Komaeda off of work, but he wants to tease him. It's not that he derives pleasure from the way Komaeda fidgets; from the way Komaeda pouts or whines; from the way that Komaeda is crestfallen at being denied the plans for the weekend. No, instead, Hinata likes teasing and delaying his delivery of the information, because he likes the way Komaeda is so hopefully excited to know. He wants it to last forever, but deep down, he knows it can't. That's why he'll delay it as much as he can.

"Hinata-kun?" Komaeda tilts his head, blinking owlishly. He's so childlike, and that black suit doesn't fit him, but neither does the beige suit Hinata wears. They should switch, he thinks distractedly. "What are we doing here?"

Cars are driving by while the two of them are on the sidelines of the bridge. Hinata is leaning against the railing, Komaeda sits on the railing, hands closed down on it. Hinata watches the water stream underneath them, from the sewage, no doubt. It's murky in its color. Komaeda doesn't watch the water, he looks up to the white clouds on the red-blue, pastel sky, smiling.

 _"Hinata-kunnn_?" he tries again.

"The place I'm taking you doesn't open until seven." announces Hinata. A white lie never hurt anyone, right?

"Hinata-kun!" cries Komaeda.

"Komaeda." Hinata grins, turning to him. "Why don't we walk around the city a little? To pass the time?"

"But you promised to tell me after work!" he pouts.

"Okay, how about this, I'll tell you where we'll be going for what I tell you."

"That's—" Komaeda sighs, defeated. "You win, Hinata-kun." Without another word, Komaeda slides off the railing and joins Hinata as he walks back to the crowded side-streets. Komaeda isn't as energetic now, but he's still eager with the new information. Hinata plans on taking him to a decent buffet (and bar, but he doesn't say that).

They're at the swap meet side of the city where it's more crowded. They browse, occasionally striking up conversations with other people. It's more Komaeda than Hinata. He's quite the social butterfly when he's excited about something. Hinata stands back, watching as Komaeda eagerly talks about paperweights and snowglobes to the lady displaying them. She smiles fondly, listening to all he says.

"You know what I've always wondered?" he asks gently.

"What's that?" she asks back.

"Why are the most fragile things… the most beautiful?"

"Hmm… that is true, isn't it?"

Hinata blinks, lifting his gaze from where he'd been staring at the ground to Komaeda. Komaeda stares off vacantly, a hint of wistfulness in his gray eyes. Then, there's a distantly serene smile on his lips, eyes falling closed. He remembers something, Hinata guesses. A good memory turned bad, and he wonders, does it have to do with Mahiru?

On their walk to their destination, Komaeda is quiet and Hinata just lets it be. The sky has darkened, overcast and blue above them, no stars being seen, and Komaeda wishes he could see them. Then, they're at the crowded buffet. It's only when they're inside, smelling the strong presence of alcohol and smoke, that Komaeda realizes it's also a bar. Immediately, he clings to Hinata's arm.

"Hinata-kun, what are we doing here?" he asks nervously.

"I reserved a spot for us." says Hinata conversationally. "Don't worry, it shouldn't be in the bar side." Komaeda calms at his words, slowly letting go of his arm. "At least… not completely." Komaeda clings again, whining lowly.

He walks, excusing himself and his clinging co-worker on their way to the midsection of the spacious bar. At the end of the bar area, there's a glass door to the "midsection", which is the second dining area for the buffet. There's plush booths aligning the glass walls of the midsection, most taken up by couples and grown friends. The glass walls are all on the bar area side, while the opposite side to the buffet is all soundproof and thick wall. Hinata walks in, Komaeda still clinging, and he doesn't stop until they reach the farthest booth at the back. Waiting for them there is a busty woman with wild brown hair, sepia-brown eyes, and caramel-colored skin, looking so much like…

"Little bro!" she cries, grinning toothily from where she sits. She's wearing a red blouse with quite the open neckline, and from what the two can see under the table, dark blue pants.

"Hey, Akane." Hinata grins back. "Sorry to keep you waiting." He's glad that she remembered to dress a tad normal like he asked her to. Usually, she wears skimpier articles than that kind of blouse, and it leaves little to no room for imagination when it's probably there. Hinata sits opposite of her, pulling flabbergasted Komaeda beside him. "Meet my good friend, Nagito Komaeda. Komaeda, meet my big sister, Akane."

"Akane Owari." She adds, winking and leaning over to Komaeda.

"It's nice to meet you—" she licks his cheek, and he cries out in surprise.

"Well, I'll leave you two to know each other!" Hinata grins mischievously, sliding past Komaeda. As he does, he whispers, "Call me if you need help."

With her saliva slowly seeping his victimized cheek, Komaeda stares at retreating Hinata, wide-eyed,

"Hinata-kun!"

Hinata doesn't budge, walking away to the bar area.

"Hinata-kun—"

"So, from what Hajime told me," says Akane, grinning from ear-to-ear. "You and I are gonna be datin'!"

"W-we are?" asks Komaeda, confused and wide-eyed.

"Yep! How good are you at kissin'?"

"I've never kissed anyone before..!"

"We gotta fix that." She grins, scooting over to where Hinata was sitting before leaving. Komaeda pales.

"Ah, wait, Hinata-kun should have— _Mmph_!" She leans in, kissing him full on the lips. If the kiss is meant to be pleasant, it's anything but. Komaeda's eyes are as wide as saucers, but hers have fallen closed, and she's kissing him hard until his lips are bruising and feeling numb, then her tongue slides out of her lips, licking his own. He's very terrified. The most terrified he's been in his life.

Hinata is drinking without a care in the world, but the liquor is fairly light. He wouldn't hammer himself completely when Komaeda is next-door with his older sister. He should have warned him, he'll admit, but if he did, he wasn't sure Komaeda would go through with it. Besides, Akane is harmless. Glancing over at the midsection, he sees Akane leaning completely against Komaeda in this awkward, rough looking kiss from where he stands against the bar counter, and yes, he definitely thinks so—knows so.

Akane is harmless, Komaea'll be fine!

Komaeda is breathless, flushed, and shaky. Akane is only getting started! She's not breaking a sweat or heaving any kind of uneven breath. It makes Komaeda question her humanity.

"What? Are you tired already?!" she interrogates loudly.

People from the neighboring booths glance over at them, raising their brows.

"N-no, Akane-san!"

"Then, let's do it again!"

" _Mmph_!"

Komaeda glances at Hinata, panic-stricken and frightened. He flails his arms, trying to communicate his plight. Akane's eyes are closed again, and this time, she's running her tongue all over his mouth, but it's so wet and lukewarm, Komaeda wants to pull away and spit into a napkin. He's squirming, flailing, and making muffled noises against their mouths.

Hinata glances again, but as he's going to turn his head to the drunkards attempting to dance on the neon light flashing dancefloor, he notices Komaeda's flailing. He's torn between leaving them be and seeing how it plays out, which risks Komaeda's trust in him and his involvement, or going over there and having to explain it in front of Akane that this isn't a real set-up. Decisions, decisions…

He sighs, making his way over to the midsection when…

"Hinata!"

Oh, great. Hanamura and Souda are here, too? This night couldn't be any better.

"Hey, you guys. What are you doing here?" he raises his brow.

"This is my mama's restaurant!" Hanamura explains. "I added the bar in, recently. All the family-friendly side is the buffet, the midsection's only visible to the bar area."

"Smart move, don't you think?" asks Souda.

"Why is that?" Hinata raises his eyebrow.

Hanamura's nose bleeds. Souda grins. They needn't say anything more, Hinata decides.

"What are you doing here?" Souda raises his brow.

"I'm chaperoning."

 _"While_ drinking?"

"I'm chaperoning my sister and Komaeda."

"…Say what?!" Souda gaps, Hanamura's eyes widen.

Hinata shrugs it off; what the hell, right?

"Yeah, they've been going out awhile."

"So, is that why…"

"Pretty much. So, I'm going to check in on them." He walks away, hoping to have dismissed them, but against his wishes, they follow his trail like puppies. They're going to get a kick out of this. Of course they'd butt in, of course.

"Hinata-kun—" Komaeda's gaze falls when he notices Souda and Hanamura.

Hinata sits beside Komaeda, winking at him; now's-your-chance-to-act. Despite his cluelessness of Hinata's intentions, Komaeda scoots closer beside Akane, she snakes her arm around his waist, and he almost squirms. He almost does.

"Who're they, Hajime?"

"These are my other co-workers. That's Kazuichi Souda," he points to the yellow jumpsuit, then to the other. "That's Teruteru Hanamura."

"Cool." She grins toothily. "I'm his big sis, Akane Owari."

"Why the different last names?" asks Souda.

"Adopted." answer Hinata and Akane simultaneously.

So, that's why… thinks Komaeda to himself, staring at Hinata. He didn't want to be insensitive asking, but anyone could leave it to Souda to ask questions like that. Which one of them was adopted, then?

"That's your girlfriend, huh, Komaeda?" asks Hanamura.

"Y-yes." Komaeda flushes, flitting his eyes all over the place in embarrassment.

"You're dating Hajime's sister?!" asks Souda, surprised.

"They've been together awhile." adds Hinata, glancing at Akane.

Getting it, she grins and pulls Komaeda closer against her by his waist. His cheek, that was licked, is now pressing against one of her breasts. He blushes darker, wide-eyed, and glances at Hinata; help-me! Hinata painfully smiles at him, glancing at the two co-workers and then, at Komaeda. Komaeda is doomed. Hanamura's nose is bleeding. Souda is fidgeting.

"Why don't you come drinking with us?" asks Hanamura.

"Yeah, it'll be fun." Souda grins at them.

"You in, Hajime?" Akane glances at him.

"What the hell? I've already had two cups of this beer. I wouldn't mind another." shrugs Hinata.

Komaeda wants to whine, but Akane is dragging him off like a ragdoll to the bar area. It's gotten more packed. Only a few corners are empty for Komaeda to hide in, because almost all of the bar area has people grinding against each other through sweat-sticking articles of clothing, people heavily making out with beer spilling from their twitching hands, and people conversing drunkenly about nothing between shots of drink or drags of cigarettes. The air is stuffy, and thick with debauchery. Komaeda doesn't like it, but the other three are all in for it.

Hinata is pretty much neutral. He won't deny that he may have pulled a bad move, but Komaeda can't be that upset, can he? He glances at Komaeda. Komaeda is staring at the floor, hugged against Akane like a teddy bear with half of his face buried against her chest. He still looks childlike, out-of-place in this environment. Souda, Hanamura, and Akane are lining up at the bar, Hinata stands behind them with his half-empty cup of beer.

"I'll tell you right now, boys," she grins. "When I start drinkin', I don't stop!"

"My mama says I take more shots than a policeman!" Hanamura brags, and if he's using lines like that to pick girls up from a bar he made up, he isn't going to go very far…

But Akane likes what she can understand.

"Haha! I bet I can do better!"

"Is that a challenge?!" He crinkles his brow.

Souda's "ooh"ing and "ahh"ing egg them on.

"Damn right it is!" She shouts over the pulsating music that blasts from the speakers. She's getting into it now. She demands five shots of a mixed drink that's mild in its strength, but as soon as Hanamura has his five and she has her five, she's patted Komaeda away.

Komaeda and Hinata stand at the sidelines, watching as Hanamura and Akane compete against each other. Komaeda's arms are crossed, gaze distant. Hinata just drinks from his beer, glancing at the other, then turns back to the scene before them. No one knows when or how, but the competition has gone so far, that most of the bar is crowding them and cheering them on.

The boisterousness of the cheering, the music, the off-key drunken singing along, rings in Komaeda's ears so hard, he's wincing and clenching his fists. The stench of the cigarette smoke, the musk of feral desire, the strength of spilled alcohol on wooden floor makes him wrinkle his nose, and he's glaring, because it's so loud and filthy, he hates it. He hates these places, and he hates what he remembers from them…

"Komaeda?"

"Hinata-kun, what was the point?" asks Komaeda, turning to him.

"The point of what?" Hinata stares back.

"Bringing me here? You never did tell me…"

He's upset Komaeda. He grabs Komaeda's hand, pulling him. They go outside, through the back door of the bar area, not the front where the other three would see them leave. When they're out, the two simultaneously breathe the fresh air in and out.

"I was blind-dating my sister with you to be your pseudo-girlfriend for this weekend and the wedding." explains Hinata. "I convinced my sister that this is a real blind date."

"…Why would you—" Komaeda begins.

Because I was thinking that if I trick her into believing it's real, it would manipulate the luck to your advantage. thinks Hinata, but he knows he can't tell Komaeda the true plans, or it would all be in ruins.

"—She needs a boyfriend." says Hinata lamely.

"I can't…" Komaeda frowns. "Your sister is very… very attractive and all, but, um…"

Hinata raises his eyebrow at him, Komaeda fidgets.

"A _dominating_ woman isn't exactly…"

Hinata laughs so hard, he would have been crying. He doesn't know if it's the alcohol getting to him, or if it's Komaeda, but he can't stop himself from laughing, and Komaeda sighs. He sighs again, turning away and crossing his arms. Now, Hinata does cry in his laughter.

"Hinata-kun, why are you laughing?"

"Because you're funny." Hinata wipes at his eyes, breathless and flushed. "Sorry, Komaeda. I should have figured."

Komaeda is pouting now.

"You brought me to a bar, Hinata-kun."

"It's not _that_ bad."

"You don't kiss your own sister to know what bad is." Komaeda mutters it under his breath, and he's still traumatized.

"Hey, listen to what you're saying!" Hinata glares, and at Komaeda's alarmed stare, he breaks into wild laughter. "I'm just messin' with you!"

"Hinata-kun, you're drunk… aren't you?"

"No, I'm not— _hic_...!"

Komaeda sighs.

"I'm taking you home, I should tell the others first."

But when Komaeda pulls Hinata back inside the bar, he sees Akane leaving with an unfamiliar hunk and Souda and Hanamura sleeping upright on the bar stools. He sighs for the fourth time. This is about all he can put up with for a Friday night. So, he calls a cab and helps Hinata to his apartment for the rest of that night, apprehensive and uncertain for tomorrow.


	6. Improvising

_6\. Improvising_

Komaeda supports Hinata on the way to his apartment. Above them, the sky is black and overcast, and he wishes he could see the stars. Hinata is stumbling a lot, even with Komaeda's arm draped tight over him. Hinata smells, too, like beer, and the stench makes Komaeda retch in his mouth. He squeezes his eyes closed, drowning out the scent of sweat mixing with beer and alley and late night street smoke.

"So mad…" starts Hinata angrily.

"About what?" Komaeda glances. Is Hinata so drunk that he's going to… talk about _his_ deepest problems or secrets? Komaeda's mouth almost curls, but he holds it back. He doesn't want anything to ruin this moment.

"Bad breakup… hic! I don't get it, man." Hinata throws his head back when he snarls at the confession. "Where'd I go wrong, y'know? We've been together for years, and it stings… hell, we're probably as close to each other as you and Mahiru are! And then, she goes and dumps me, says something about, "I need time"! Um, are you sure you _didn't_ need the time, Nanami?" he growls, shaking his head so hard, his vision blurs and Komaeda pats his back.

"I'm sorry, Hinata-kun."

"Don't sweat it."

Komaeda frowns, feeling heavy, and it's not from supporting Hinata. They're already at the front door. Hinata is fumbling for his keys, and Komaeda shrugs, snooping for a spare. He finds it and unlocks the door. Hinata merely mumbles, stumbling in, and Komaeda can't leave him by himself. He sighs, smiling weakly with a shake of the head. He's supporting Hinata again, and when he walks into the place, he's surprised. Unlike his house, Hinata's three-room apartment is very personal and decorated. There's the living room with a kitchenette and louvered doors to the washing and drying machine for laundry. The kitchenette was very simple and plain, the magnets pinning many take-out coupons on the fridge suggesting why. The living room had a short display shelf of framed family pictures against a wall and behind the plush, sectional couch and lone armchair. Between the seats was a two-layered coffee table; the top had nothing and the bottom was akin to a basket with books. The wall opposite of the front door was the blinded door to the balcony.

Then, opposite of the kitchenette and living room, the louvered doors side, is the hallway to Hinata's bedroom and to the separate bathroom. Komaeda pulls Hinata into his own bedroom. The bedroom's very small, fitting a narrow bed, a desk with shelving, and one louvered door to his closet that faced the window next to Hinata's bed. The apartment's very cramped, but Komaeda likes it more than his own house. He's tempted to snoop through the drawers of Hinata's desk or go through the closed laptop lying there, but he decides not to. At least, not with Hinata still conscious.

Komaeda lays Hinata down on his bed and undresses him. Hinata's green eyes are fluttering, and he's so drunk, so tired, he doesn't care if it's another man stripping him. He only cares for a soft place to sleep and some damned silent hours to go with it. He's half-asleep by the time Komaeda stripped him down to his boxers and loosened dress shirt. Komaeda smiles at Hinata, pulling the sheets over him.

"Good night, Hinata-kun."

"Hey…" Hinata closes his hand on Komaeda's wrist, blinking. "Please stay?"

"…" Komaeda doesn't know why, but his heart speeds up and his face kind of colors. He turns away, knowing why Hinata gets embarrassed when he blushes. "Sure, Hinata-kun."

"Mm, thanks." Hinata doesn't let go of Komaeda's wrist, falling asleep there.

Komaeda sits by him on the bed, his wrist in Hinata's hold, but he makes no move to sneak away. He's happy with this much. So, Komaeda closes his eyes and cherishes the moment for what it is.

-6-

Komaeda has gotten to know Hinata better. He wishes the circumstances hadn't been so unorthodox, but he's happy, nonetheless, to know Hinata better. He doesn't think Hinata will agree though. When Hinata is drunk, he runs his mouth off a lot and his problems hang in the air for others to breathe in. Komaeda breathed plenty in when he helped Hinata to his apartment. Now, Komaeda watches Hinata as he soundly sleeps. He'd been watching for awhile now, despite how guilty he felt for it, as if it's forbidden. Hinata is a quiet snorer, but he still snores.

Komaeda giggles to himself, tempted to mess with the sleeping brunette. He doesn't know why, but he wants to run his fingers through his pointy, disheveled hair, and then he wants to tease him awake by tickling his sides, or… As if on cue, his phone vibrates, and his gaze is turned away from sleeping Hinata. He stands, walking out to the small hallway and closing the bedroom door after him. He answers the call.

"- _Good morning, Nagito_!"

"Good morning, Mahiru-chan. How are you?" He smiles. She can't see it.

"- _I'm feeling like today is going to be a beautiful day. I'm thinking about bringing my camera with me. They say the leaves should be changing to green soon, summertime is coming after all. What do you think_?" She laughs happily.

His heart wrenches, somehow having crawled up in his throat. He'd been so happy only a few moments ago. The revelation of her soon-to-be-marriage still crushes him. She sounds so girlish, so lively. Is that how her fiancé makes her feel? He swallows down his moroseness.

"I think so, too." He agrees softly. "When and where would you like to meet, Mahiru-chan?"

"- _How about the Hanamura Buffet_ —"

"Please no!" cries Komaeda before he can stop himself.

Her nervous laughter warms him up.

"- _Where do you think, Nagito_?"

"Well… how about the All American Café?" he asks.

"- _That sounds good! What do you think of nine-fifty_?"

"I'll see you two there, Mahiru-chan."

"- _Okay_!"

They hang up. Komaeda feels heavy and unsure once more. He pockets his cell phone and walks back into the bedroom to see Hinata propping himself up on his elbows. Hinata groggily stares at him, head tilted.

"What are you doing here?" he asks suspiciously.

Komaeda wants to sigh and frown, because he should have known better. Hinata was drunk. There's always those bullshit tell-tales that when you get someone drunk, they'll spill their every feeling and secret to you. At the same, another tell-tale of being drunk will tell you that when you get someone drunk, they'll lie to you and forget all about the night. Komaeda rakes fingers through his hair, staring straight at underdressed Hinata.

"You drank beer last night, at the bar? Yeah, the bar you forgot to tell me we were going to go to?" Hinata groans, Komaeda is _not_ stopping there. "The bar you thought would be a perfect place to match your adopted sister with me? Oh, and where Hanamura and Souda happened to be?" Hinata groans and palms his face. Komaeda doesn't know if he's having a bad hangover or annoyed with Komaeda's nagging, but either way… "And, where my first kiss and French Kiss were stolen from me? Thank you very much! I would be so angry with you, but…" Komaeda smiles sweetly, "I'm sorry about you and Nanami, Hinata-kun. Tough break ups are always an eater, aren't they?"

Komaeda shouldn't be deriving pleasure from Hinata's annoyance, but he doesn't care if it's right or wrong. At this rate, he wants to feel better before he subjects himself to more torture. If that means picking on Hinata, then so be it.

"I'm over it." Hinata deadpans, staring blankly at Komaeda when he slides his palm away from his face. He groans, for the third time, clutching his searing head and letting himself fall back into a lying position on the bed. "Damn hangovers…"

Komaeda laughs softly, shaking his head.

"That's why I don't drink."

"Yeah, right, one of these days you will." Hinata screws his eyes shut. "Anyway, any updates about our meeting today?"

"We'll be meeting them at the All American Café at nine-fifty." Komaeda glances at the clock. "You should do something about that hang over quickly."

"…Komaeda, pour me a shot of beer."

-6-

The All American Café has an exaggerated parking lot and asymmetrical building shape. It looks like a U deciding it wants to be a W last-minute. Yeah, Hinata isn't so good describing its shape, but when they walk inside, he feels like he's taken drugs, because his vision swirls for a minute, and he's seeing multi-colored designs on the wallpaper. The café is scattered with occasional tables of two or four and the booths cling to the windowed walls. The decoration makes his head spin, but the delicious smells wafting from the kitchen make all of this bearable for Hinata. Contrary to Hinata's trouble, Komaeda isn't having any, besides the fact that he's in _this_ situation in the first place.

They stop at a cornered booth. Mahiru is already sitting there, wearing a long, gray dress and her camera over her neck. The sleeves are short and see-through, exposing the freckles of her pale and small shoulders. Komaeda thinks she looks more than beautiful, and his heart aches as he slides into the opposite side, Hinata following suit. She smiles her wide and freckled smile at them. Ignoring the heartache and longing, Komaeda politely smiles back. Hinata claps his hand onto his shoulder, kind of leaning on him. Now that he does, Komaeda's heart picks up pace, because prior to their arrival, inside of their cab, Hinata mentioned something about "improvising", but he didn't go into deeper detail. Komaeda knows that that's all he's getting from Hinata. Komaeda is once again, struggling to shake off his nervousness and impatience to know just what Hinata is scheming, especially after last night's failure. It was a failure for _him_ , anyway, Akane did leave with someone else.

"Good morning, Mahiru-chan." He smiles at her.

"Good morning, Nagito!" She smiles back. "Who's your friend?"

"Oh, he's—" Komaeda starts.

"I'm—" Hinata breathes heavily ( _don't slur, Hinata-kun_ ), opening his mouth and getting to his simple introduction when…

"I'm back. Did you miss me?"

 _He_ slides into the booth next to Mahiru. Komaeda and Hinata stare. Komaeda's eyes are wide open, mouth slightly open in surprise. Hinata is taking this harder than him, and he doesn't even care about Mahiru! His eyes are as wide as saucers, mouth falling open wider, and he might have lost his jaw and vocal cords along the way. Komaeda recovers, Hinata does _not_.

"Ah, you're…" Komaeda smiles, blinking.

"Togami Byakuya." He's a blond and bespectacled, lanky man in a dark suit with a blue tie.

"I'm Nagito Komaeda, Mahiru-chan's old friend. It's nice to meet—"

"Like hell it is!" snaps Hinata, glaring and standing from the booth.

"Whoa! What gives?" Mahiru raises her eyebrow at him, defensive and ready to pounce.

"Hinata-kun!" gasps Komaeda, flushing in embarrassment. "Hinata-kun—"

"Oh, it's _you_." Togami stares at him uninterestedly. "You're the same as always."

"I could say the same to you!" he growls.

Mahiru and Komaeda exchange nervous glances.

"We went to private school together." adds Hinata angrily, "He was a prick!"

"He was a loser." Togami smirks.

"…I was _not_! I'm going to pummel your face into next week!" Hinata reaches over the table for the blond but Komaeda immediately holds him back, laughing and smiling nervously.

"I am so sorry, Mahiru-chan, Byakuya-sama!"

"It's okay, Nagito—"

"Control your mutt better."

"What the fuck did you just call me?!"

"Hinata-kun—"

"Would the two of you stop it—"

"Nekomaru, I summon you."

And, seemingly out of nowhere, a muscular and towering man appears before them.

"What's up?" he asks, glancing.

"Well, you see—" Togami begins.

"Nekomaru!" cries a voice, and Hinata's eyes widen at recognizing it. "Nekomaru, where'd ya go?"

Akane stumbles from the bathrooms, wild hair wilder and face flushed, and her shirt more open at the neckline… Hinata palms his face. Komaeda's face colors. Mahiru blinks, taken aback. Togami blankly stares. Nekomaru starts to nervously laugh, scratching the back of his neck.

"I thought I told you to wait." He mutters.

"I couldn't! You're just so good—Oh, Hajime." Akane walks over, blinking. "What're you doin' here?"

"I should be asking you that!" cries Hinata through his palm.

"I'm with Nekomaru." Akane toothily grins. "He took me home last night, and now, we're datin'! Right, Nekomaru?

"Uh, yeah…"

Hinata's eyes widened. That wasn't any good! Was that the work of Komaeda's luck? Did his luck send her out of that bar in Nekomaru's arms? If that was his luck's doing, this was going to be a lot harder than he thought. He gritted his teeth, drowning everyone out for a second as he frantically wracked through his train of thought. Akane was supposed to be the pseudo-girlfriend, but if she's already in a relationship, then if Komaeda's unconvinced, the luck is unconvinced. That had to be it, because as soon as Hinata announced it as a pseudo-relationship, she left with Nekomaru, right?

Then, there's only one option left for Hinata.

"What did you call me for again?" asks Nekomaru.

"That mutt over there is giving me trouble." replies Togami, adjusting his glasses against his nose bridge.

"Are you callin' my bro a mutt?!" Akane growls, eyes narrowing and teeth gritting.

"Um," Komaeda laughs nervously, Mahiru sharing his nervousness through a forced smile. "There's no need to fight. Please, would the both of you calm down?"

"I am calm." Togami crosses his arms. "Hinata is the problem."

"Maybe _you're_ the problem!"

"Akane, I'd appreciate it if you wouldn't back-talk Togami."

"I'm defendin' my lil' bro's honor, Nekomaru! He's deflowerin' it!"

"Really, there's no need to fight." adds Komaeda softly.

"Togami, honey." Mahiru grabs his hand, pulling him to face her and offering a small smile. "You promised, remember?"

"…." Togami's blank stare falls and he sighs. "You're right, I did—"

Thoughtlessly, Hinata latches Komaeda by the shoulders, spinning him to face him and pulling him in for a kiss.


	7. Confession

_7\. Confession_

Mahiru and Togami's eyes widened, mouths dropping open. Nekomaru blinked once, then smirked and started snickering to himself; what-a-bold-move! Akane blinked more than once, surprised as much as Mahiru and Togami. Their vocalizations of shock were white noise to Hinata. One of Hinata's hands slides to wrap around Komaeda's waist, pulling him in closer and his opposite hand tightens on Komaeda's shoulder, squeezing. Komaeda's grays are wide open, bewildered, and his cheeks flushing. His hands are at his sides, and he's not moving, because he doesn't know why the hell or what is even going on and Hinata is kissing him… _Hinata is kissing him_?!

Komaeda's mind screams at the volume of a thousand washing machines in one place, bringing him back to that laundry mat of that grim time that his life wasn't making any sense and right now wasn't making any sense, either. Komaeda can't even slow how fast comprehension sailed off, it's already crashing into an bottomless chasm that leaves him silent and unresponsive. He can't think. He can't concentrate. He's shut off. He needs to think. He needs to concentrate, but he just can't concentrate, and Hinata's so soft. Hinata's so warm. No, Hinata's so soft _and_ warm against him, it's insane. Hinata lowers his hand on Komaeda's waist, to the small of his back, and Komaeda knows he needs to do or say _something,_ because if he doesn't, he won't comprehend anything ever again... and is that such a bad thing? _No, just a little longer, but no-yes! Yes, need to do something before_...

"Hinata-kun—" Only then does Hinata break their kiss.

Hinata opens his glazed greens, breathing quietly. He hasn't pulled away from Komaeda completely, his hands are still on the white-haired man, and Komaeda's eyes are still wider than everyone else's. Their one-sided kiss has ended, but Komaeda can't breathe or he's forgotten _how to_. He stands there in Hinata's arms, eyes wide, face flushed, and mouth open like a gaping fish out of water.

"Wh-what…" Komaeda blinks, taken further aback. "Hinata-kun—"

"You asked who I was?" asks Hinata, holding Komada's hand tight in his when he turns to the shocked bunch.

"…" Mahiru nervously smiles in answer.

"I'm Hajime Hinata, and I'm Komaeda's friend, but…" Hinata trails off, eyes falling to their connected hands, and Komaeda is so damned confused right now. "I want to be more."

"Hinata-kun!" Komaeda's face colors, heart pounding, and eyebrows raising. Just where the hell did _that_ come from?!

From their kissing, a lot of occupants within the café stared over. The blushing waitresses crowded, swooning at the scene. With all of the attention brought to them from the display and the change of atmosphere, Togami palms his face. He doesn't know what's worse for him in this scenario; the fact that he's been reunited with an old enemy or the fact that that old enemy has admitted homosexuality? To be honest, Togami has only dreamed of this happening and secretly reveled in it afterwards, but for it to actually happen… it doesn't come close to how pleasurable it once was. Sometimes, the imaginary is better than the reality, coming from an underwhelmed Togami at the moment. Mahiru is nervously smiling, holding Togami's hand _tightly_ in embarrassment. Nekomaru is smirking, sending an encouraging wink Hinata's way; that's-the-man! Akane just stares, mouth open so wide, she must have seen her own jaw fall to the floor (imagine how Komaeda must feel).

"Komaeda…" Hinata's face colors slightly and his greens are half-lidded in their gazing of Komaeda's flushed face. He cups Komaeda's chin, lifting it to level their staring of each other. He swallows, Adam's apple visibly bobbing in his throat. "I… I can never take my mind off of you. I…" He tears away, hands never disconnecting. "It's embarrassing… but I like you so much, Komaeda."

And the fujoshi waitresses go wild.

"He's _so_ tsundere!"

"I bet the other boy is dandere~~... _Kawaii-desu_!"

"Eeeek! It's finally happened! A BL scene right in front of my eyes! I can die peacefully!"

"I can't take it anymore… _my ovaries_!"

"Kiss him again, boy!"

" _Ladies, get back to work_!" cries their boss, the incarnation of the devil in his wild, mismatched stare and guttural voice.

When the waitresses shuffle off, Komaeda is relieved. He can breathe, because once they're gone, the curiosity of the other seated occupants falls away. He closes his eyes. He doesn't know how to handle this. He just heard about Hinata's ex, and despite Hinata's shrug off of the subject, Komaeda knows it's unlikely that he's truly over it. There's also that failed attempt at matching him up with Akane. Hinata could be doing this to fill in Akane's role, Komaeda wouldn't doubt it, and Hinata did have a drink of beer before they left... He's probably the slightest of drunk. All of this is just a stupid heat of the moment thing, and it will pass. Komaeda quietly sighs, relieved that his mind isn't completely broken from how shocking all of that had been. As long as he can think straight, nothing should happen, right? And as long as he's aware, Hinata doesn't actually feel that way for him in that way... right?

Komaeda ignores how hard the ache in his chest is at the last question, sulky.

"Whoa…" Mahiru breathes, hoping to break this awkward silence.

"Double- _whoa_." agrees Akane, crossing her arms over her chest. "My bro is after my ex!"

"It's not like that, Akane…" Hinata sighs softly. "I… I thought if he was happy with someone else... Someone way better than me, I would be okay, but…"

"Little bro!" She hugs him against her, grinning. "Don't say stuff like that! I think you're cute with him. Komaeda?"

Komaeda almost laughs, but he doesn't. Hinata is very convincing for an actor, if that's all this is. Or he's still tipsy. Komaeda doesn't know what it is, but he knows that what Hinata is doing is just for show. He stops his sulking, and like Friday all over again, he's radiating the brightest of energy with a smile, but he forces it. If Hinata can be convincing, then so can Komaeda. "Um… I'm sorry about that, Mahiru." Komaeda sits back down, pretending that the incident hadn't happened, and smiles disarmingly. "May we continue?"

"…" Mahiru blinks, taken aback, but then sits back down, pulling Togami down with her. "Of course."

"What's his deal?!" growls Akane quietly to Hinata.

"It's okay, big sister." Hinata smiles weakly. "I'll… I'll handle it by myself." He rejoins Komaeda.

"Need me still?" asks Nekomaru conversationally.

"You are dismissed." Togami waves his hand.

"C'mon, Akane. I'll get us a place to sit for some breakfast."

"Sweet, Nekomaru!" She kisses Hinata's head, and then, the two are gone.

-7-

The conversation had lacked during the breakfast. It was slow, hesitant, as if Mahiru and Togami were testing the waters, making sure their boat wouldn't sink rock bottom. Komaeda didn't mention or acknowledge Hinata's presence, at all, and it strained the atmosphere. Even Togami didn't make an effort to pick on Hinata anymore, and it made the brunette feel… feel invisible. It made him feel as if he might have gone in the wrong with Komaeda, but doing what?

In the end, Mahiru had her wedding invitations ready and slid it over to Komaeda. The breakfast ended with good-natured goodbyes, and they were seeing each other off. Komaeda and Hinata watch Togami's convertible drive off into the street and drive further, further away from sight. Hinata's sure Nekomaru and Akane are in the back, or something, because he saw suspicious figures moving in the back.

"I think we should leave separately, Hinata-kun." Komaeda breaks the silence.

"…Why?" asks Hinata, turning to him.

Komaeda is still watching where the convertible had gone. His grays are distant, faraway, lips falling to a straight line. He turns to Hinata, remaining incomprehensible.

"Leave in separate cabs."

"I know, but why?"

Hinata can only think of one thing that would have Komaeda demanding separation. The confession he made. That means that Komaeda didn't believe it, he thought it was all for show. That would be no good if they were going to stifle his luck cycle. Hinata needed to convince him the confession was genuine to convince the luck itself. There's a lump in his throat and he's sweating again. He's hesitating. He's only hesitating, because he's never done PDA with a guy before, and he never cared to think or tried to do it with another guy for a reason. He's not gay. Sure, he did only have one serious girlfriend and a couple of fickle others, but still... _This is for Komaeda's luck,_ he thinks to himself.

Komaeda turns his back on him, going to walk away, but swallowing down that lump in his throat, Hinata grabs his wrist.

"Was it my confession?"

"That wasn't a confession." Komaeda laughs softly, turning back blankly. "You have an ex-girlfriend, right? You plan to patch things up with her, right? Hinata-kun, whatever you're trying to do to get her back, don't involve me."

"This isn't about Nanami! I told you, I'm over her!" shouts Hinata, and he's angry. He's really angry, because he can't believe Komaeda would add her into this when he likely doesn't know the full story! He scowls, grabbing Komaeda hard by his shoulders. "This is about my feelings for you."

"Sorry Hinata-kun, for some reason I don't believe you." Komaeda narrows his eyes. _No, I just can't believe you would feel anything for someone like me, me even the least, Hinata-kun._

Hinata's been afraid of that answer. It makes sweat bead from his face, it makes lumps tighten in his throat, it makes his hands shake, because he knows he needs to do more to convince Komaeda, but at the same time, he's reluctant to do anymore. He tries to calm himself down. There's nothing to be so scared of, it's only Komaeda, not some other guy, and if he's focusing entirely on the whole point of this damned thing, it's to stop his luck cycle. There's no need to be so nervous, right?

Finally composed of his hesitance, Hinata pulls Komaeda into another kiss. His greens fall closed, and he slides his hands at opposite places. One of them tangles in Komaeda's hair while holding him by the back of his head and the other lingers around his waist. The kiss is soft, tentative, leaving Komaeda dizzy and more. Komaeda is melting and trembling against Hinata, and his heart is pounding hard in his chest, his pale skin is heating up, and that dizziness that makes his world spin faster intensifies, he's seeing stars. Komaeda doesn't understand why, all of this being so confusing, but he can't help wondering... Is this how a first kiss is supposed to feel?

Komaeda has that sudden desire of kissing Hinata back. He wants to kiss Hinata back, either to sate his confusion or out of his own attraction, Komaeda doesn't know, but he's so scared that all of this could be pretend and he's confused, again, because he doesn't want to be hurt. He doesn't want to be abandoned. He doesn't want to be attached. He knows his luck will serve to pull him farther away from anyone that tries too hard to be close to him. His hands are at his sides, and they stay there, because he's scared and doesn't know what to do. Komaeda isn't good at this. He's busy being a melting and trembling mess anyway.

Hinata doesn't care too much about Komaeda's cooperation. He just wants to convince him. Hinata runs his tongue over Komaeda's lips, gently pushing past them to trace his mouth, and when he does, his restraint seems to snap. His fingers are more frantic when they tangle in Komaeda's hair, more insistent on pulling his head closer to his own. His opposite hand runs lowers on Komaeda's waist again, to the small of his back, and his tongue tangles around Komaeda's, warm and wet.

Komaeda only gasps, both frightened and excited, and he pulls away clumsily, red and breathless. That little sound leaves Hinata as flushed in the face as Komaeda, but he smiles small, thinking for sure that Komaeda is redder and more disheveled than he is. The waitresses from earlier are must likely crowding at one of the windows looking into the parking lot, squealing as they see the scene unfolding before them. Komaeda breathes heavily, clutching his head as his world stops spinning and he can think again. Meanwhile, realization is dawning on Hinata. What was that that he did? Did he really almost... touch Komaeda _there_ in public?Where had that come from? He's sure that he's not gay, but it's only just to convince Komaeda, that's all it is.

"Hinata-kun…" Komaeda stares at him, eyes so beautifully glazed that Hinata has a hard time breathing himself.

"Komaeda," Hinata stares back. "Do you believe me?"

"….." Komaeda turns away, hugging himself. "I-I need the time."

"Komaeda…" Hinata's face falls.

"I'm sorry, Hinata-kun. I just… I'll talk to you later." He briskly walks off, leaving Hinata standing there, and again, in Komaeda's wake, there's only the whirlwind of conflicting emotions to spin Hinata right and round.

-7-

Komaeda sits on the couch in his pajamas, laptop on his lap and television on. He's moping. He doesn't know how to feel about anything or anyone anymore, because he's confused. Mahiru, his childhood friend, is getting married to this good-looking, wealthy man, and he has feelings for her, but she's happy and he's happy for her, he really is, but… Hinata suddenly has feelings for him? He suddenly confesses and kisses him while meeting her fiancé after an eventful Friday night? And after learning of an ex-girlfriend he could still possibly like or love?

Komaeda is so confused, and he hates it. He squeezes his eyes shut, knocking his head off the cushion. What should he feel? Who does he feel for? What are these feelings he has? But does it matter? He's trash anyway. He frowns, reopening his eyes. He sees playing on the television is a tragic romance about a slave and a yukaza master, filmed at Towa City. It's very Romeo and Juliet-esque. At first, Komaeda has no interest, but then the longer his grays stare at the screen in front of him, the more he gets distracted from his plight, and well… eventually, he's sitting on the couch, laptop forgotten on the side next to him, and a plastic tub of ice-cream replacing where it was.

"Oh, Fuyuhiko-kun does love you, Peko-chan!" His grays twinkle like stars. "Just kiss already!" He demands between mouthfuls of chocolate and vanilla ice-cream. As the movie goes by, Komaeda goes from squealing like a teenage girl in the movie theatre, to a sobbing mess once the credits roll. "Why Peko-chan!" he sobs out, crying into his palms. "Why did you have to die?! And poor Fuyuhiko-kun… This is so unfair!"

Peko was kidnapped by an isthmus motorcycle gang led by a man named Mondo Oowada. Oowada was out for vengeance, as Fuyuhiko's father attacked their gang before and it resulted in Oowada's brother's death. In a promised exchange for money at first, Fuyuhiko met with Oowada, but only then did Oowada take it far. He was convincing Fuyuhiko to commit mass-suicide with his yakuza clan, and Peko wouldn't allow so many lives to be taken for her, including her own master's. So, in an act of protection and her love for Fuyuhiko, she killed Oowada and herself. Now, Fuyuhiko would be left alone to mourn her death. That was truly sad, and Komaeda's still sobbing about it, until the credits piano is interrupted by a commercial. The commercial is sparkly and bright ugly pink, a contrast to the tragic romance he had been watching. Then, there's this kind of grating but at the same time soothing, womanly voice that keeps him focused on the screen.

"Hello! I'm Magical Rabbit Usami! I spread the teachings of hope and love all around the world!" cries an animated pink bunny in something akin to a magical girl-ballerina costume. "Are you feeling unloved and in despair? You can come down to our website, and we'll sort it all out! We're here to make you know there's hope and love in the world—" the commercial is cut, and an Old Spice one plays.

Komaeda's teary grays stare vacantly at the screen, lingering, and then… he's kicked the empty tub of ice cream off and starts typing up an address on the internet browser. He's desperate to resolve his confusion, to understand, and to just figure out what he should or could do. It's a stupid idea, he knows, but it's not like he can ask anyone else. He has no other friends and asking someone from work would be... Hanamura and Souda think that he's dating Hinata's sister, Akane. Tsumiki has feelings for him, and if he talked to her about Hinata's confession, it would only hurt her feelings. Would she have any solid advice to give him anyway? And, Sonia is very warm and trustworthy, but... It's better asking someone anonymously, he decides. The screen loads to a pink homepage, displaying pictures of the pink bunny "Usami" and the website's navigation options. Komaeda goes to click one when a chat box pops up and someone types to him.

 **ArcadeBunny** – _Hello there. How can I help you?_

Komaeda blushes shyly. He doesn't know why he's so shy suddenly. He's online. He's anonymous. What's the big deal? He draws a deep, shaky breath as he types back.

 **Guest** _– I need help figuring something out._

 **ArcadeBunny** _– Like?_

 **Guest** _– I guess my feelings for someone. I… I've only been friends with them for a little awhile, and I found out about his ex-girlfriend. I don't think he's over her, but he just confessed that he "likes" me in public and he kissed me twice! I don't know how I should feel about all of this. It feels too sudden, and forced. Maybe I'm just being paranoid..._

 **ArcadeBunny** _– What do you feel when he kisses you?_

Komaeda covers his face with his palms, embarrassed. What's the big deal? He asks himself again, heaving another breath. It comes out shakier than the last.

 **ArcadeBunny** **–** _You can tell me anything. Remember, I'm here to help you._

 _ **Guest -** Well, I feel really warm, and I get lightheaded…_

 **ArcadeBunny –** _I see._

 **Guest –** _What should I do?_

 **ArcadeBunny** **–** _Give yourself some time to see how you feel about him. If it doesn't work out, it's not meant to be. Oh, and, you should probably tell him you just want to be friends and that you would think about it. What do you think? Would you be comfortable like that?_

 **Guest** **–** _I suppose so..._

 **ArcadeBunny** **–** _Good._

 **Guest** **–** _Thank you so much! :)_

The chatbox closes, but then, glowing letters appear on the screen in gold; Homework Assignment 1, initiated by ArcadeBunny. Komaeda raises his eyebrow. The homework assignment is a box that can be scrolled down, mentioning that Komaeda has to take ArcadeBunny's advice and report back to her by next week. His face colors again, and he exits out. He sighs, pushing his laptop closed and to the side, before he flops down on the couch. Now, he can relax, even for a little while.

-7-

Nanami blinks, taken aback, before she tilts her head and owlishly blinks again.

"Is something wrong, Chiaki-san?" asks Chihiro.

"Ah, no..." Nanami smiles at her cutely. "I was just wondering..."

"Hm?" Chihiro smiles back.

"Do you think Hinata would kiss a guy?"

* * *

 **Author's Note:** Hello there, readers. I'm back. So sorry for the wait ( _I know what you're thinking; No you're not, or you would stop making us wait_ ). I got distracted, I admit to it, readers, and I'm sorry *fake and gross sob*. I don't regret getting distracted though, _teehee_. Forgive me. 3 I made Nanami have that sharp intuition when it comes to her man, because Hinata will be in serious trouble later. Double the trouble, as they say, since Komaeda is suspicious.


	8. Drifting Away

**Author's Note:** Thank you so much for your patience and your reviews. :) I'm sorry to keep you waiting, and I hope this chapter's worth the wait!

* * *

 _8\. Drifting Away_

Hinata blankly stares down at his keyboard, not typing. He just sits there, staring down. Across from him, Komaeda, chipper, is typing ambidextrously away on his keyboard, smiling as he hums softly to himself. Hanamura, next to him, blasts the sound effects of his adult game as he clicks and clicks on his mouse. Souda is napping on his chair, snoring. It should be a good day today then, shouldn't it? Hinata glances from his keyboard to the clock, reading **2:45pm**.

Yet to Hinata it feels like anything, but a good day. He turns back to his blank computer screen, distantly remembering Sunday. The Sunday of two days ago or had it only been a day ago? Lately, time has been dragging slower for Hinata, taunting him. That Sunday, Komaeda called him and wanted to tell him something over the phone, but Hinata insisted that they talked in person. It was better being face-to-face to someone, wasn't it? Especially if what needed to be said was as important as Komaeda emphasized it to be, besides, Hinata needed to show that he was genuine.

Hinata had been sitting on his apartment couch, arms crossed as he watched TV. He was trying to listen to what was being said in the anime that was on, but he didn't listen hard enough. His thoughts of Komaeda were overwhelming him, and as if on cue, his phone rang. He blinked, taken aback, before he stood and answered it.

"Hello?"

"- _Ah, Hinata-kun, I wanted to talk to you_."

"About?"

"- _Well, what happened at the café yesterday… I'm really sorry I walked off like that, but, um_ …" Hinata imagined Komaeda's flushed face, half-lidded eyes flickering about in nervousness and his hands tugging at the hem of whatever shirt he was wearing. "- _I need to tell you something really important. Is that okay_?"

"Yeah, you want to meet someplace? We could get tea, or get something to eat—" Hinata began.

"- _No, Hinata-kun_."

"…" Whatever Hinata's expression had been, whether it was a hopeful smile or an amused curl of his lips, it had fallen, straightened. He nodded to himself, knowing Komaeda couldn't see. "I'll just take a cab over there or something, then. We could talk inside."

"- _Hinata-kun, I prefer that_ —"

"I'll be there in forty-five minutes the latest, Komaeda. See you soon." Hinata slammed the phone down, clenching his teeth. He needed to calm down. Why was he getting upset for? Komaeda hadn't said anything particularly upsetting, and yet, there he was, squeezing his eyes shut and gritting his teeth like he'd been slapped hard or something.

He arrived at Komaeda's house in twenty-two minutes. Hinata didn't need to ring the doorbell or anything, because as soon as he stepped onto the porch, Komaeda pulled the front door open. He didn't open it invitingly for Hinata to walk in, he opened it a crack, like he didn't want the distance between them to be closed. For some reason, Hinata's heart had clenched.

"Hinata-kun," Komaeda smiled gently. "You got here fast."

"Not that much traffic on a Sunday." He muttered distractedly, staring down and then back up, at Komaeda's face. "What did you want to tell me?"

Komaeda flinched. It was probably from the way that Hinata had asked it. Either way, he recovered as if it hadn't happened at all.

"Oh, well…" Komaeda smiled distractedly himself, staring down. "About what happened in the café… I… I appreciate your feelings, Hinata-kun, but I still haven't figured out _mine_. I need time, so… I need to be away from you. I don't mean to hurt you in anyway, it's just—"

"I get it." said Hinata quickly, nodding.

"Hinata-kun—"

"No, _I get it_." He grinned, the upturn feeling painful. "Whatever, Komaeda." He shrugged. "Take as long as you want, I get it. Well, see you."

"…" Komaeda's mouth opened, like he wanted to say something, but Hinata turned away. He didn't want him to say anymore. He heard enough.

Now, here they are in this office, ignoring each other in front of everyone else. Hinata closes his eyes. He doesn't understand why he's been feeling so… what was the word for it? Unhappy? He isn't angry or upset, but he isn't happy either. He does his best for his co-workers, and yet, here he is, just staring blankly at his computer screen, hoping for the answers to type themselves out.

Komaeda makes a point to talk to everyone, but Hinata. He'll talk to Tsumiki when she brings him files or his favorite flavored coffee, laughing and smiling with her. She'll blush, laughing girlishly and smiling with him. He'll talk to Hanamura, shaking his head and laughing in disproval at the lewd things that Hanamura tells him and Hanamura will glance around before he slides pornographic photos under their desk, to Komaeda's lap. Komaeda will throw it back at him and laugh like a little boy, walking away. And though it's rare, he talks to Souda, too, and Hinata is just _invisible_ to him. Completely and utterly invisible to him that Hinata finds it hard that Komaeda isn't doing it on purpose.

-8-

Hinata drinks five cups of coffee per day. He used to drink two at maximum, but now, it gets him through the days. Lately, it's been hard for him to be focused and awake. He hasn't been getting enough sleep and he can't think of work as clearly as he used to. He knows whose fault it is, but he can't say anything, either. Eyebrows raising at how many trips he takes to the break room, refilling his cup with coffee and then, the stirring of his spoon. He walks out, holding a full cup each visit.

He sits down at his desk with his fourth cup of coffee on the sixth day he's done this. There are heavy bags under his eyes, his shoulders are slumping, and he can't keep his head up. His eyes flutter sometimes. Souda glances at him, concerned. Hanamura stares, too, but doesn't say anything. Komaeda just works, humming softly per usual without a care in the fucking world. Hinata's lips almost curl to a bitter smile.

"Hinata-san, are you all right?" asks Sonia when she comes down, checking in on the boys from Level 4. She's too kind for her own good sometimes. It's appealing as it is appalling. She gently palms his shoulder, leaning over him, and she smells pleasant. It's a floral perfume, probably chamomile. Chamomiles would look nice in her light blond hair.

Hinata snaps upright, murmuring incoherently.

"S'fine."

"Are you sure?" She frowns, rubbing circles on his shoulder. "You look like you'll collapse at any moment!"

Souda scowls. He's jealous of the attention Hinata is getting, that's for sure. Sonia is pretty, but she is too prim and proper for Hinata's taste and he likes her better as a friend and co-worker. Hanamura is humming suspiciously, smirking ear-to-ear, pretending to work to be on Sonia's good side, but again, Komaeda doesn't even look up from his typing.

"S'really fine." murmurs Hinata again.

"No, you aren't." Sonia sighs. "Up, up, up." She coos.

"No, _Soniaaa_." He slurs, green eyes flickering sleepily.

She pulls him up from his chair, not struggling very much since Hinata is pretty light. Sonia pulls him from his chair to the lounge room, laying him down on the couch. She sets a blanket over him. It's thin and breathable material, and she turns the lights off. Hinata falls asleep fast.

* * *

 **8:00pm**

Komaeda sighs, hanging his coat on the rack and leaving his shoes by the door. It's been a week. He has to go back to that site. Komaeda sits down on the couch, turning his laptop on. After signing in, immediately the website automatically pulls itself up and he's in a chatroom with ArcadeBunny.

 **ArcadeBunny –** _So, how has it been going?_

 **Guest –** _Good, I think he gets it._

 **ArcadeBunny –** _What about your feelings?_

 **Guest –** _I still don't know… I'm in no rush though, right?_

 **ArcadeBunny –** _It depends. You should figure out your feelings as soon as possible while he's still there. I don't think you'll have him around forever, you know? 'Cause then, if he leaves, and you find out your feelings then, you'll really regret it._

Komaeda squeezes his eyes shut. He knows he won't have Hinata forever. He knows that Hinata will leave someday. He knows, he knows, he knows, and that's why… He opens his watering eyes. It's easier ignoring how he feels about him instead of risking the possibility that Hinata will die or leave him.

 **ArcadeBunny –** _Are you still there?_

 **Guest –** _Yes._

 **ArcadeBunny –** _You get it, right? I don't mean to say it like you're at fault. I just want you to be sure of yourself, so you don't have regrets. 'Cause regrets are a painful thing to have, you know?_

 **Guest –** _Yeah, thanks._

 **ArcadeBunny –** _No problem! Check in again next week, okay?_

 **Guest –** _Okay._

Komaeda closes his laptop, face shadowed.

-8-

Nanami tilts her head, staring at her screen. Her lips are slightly down turned, into a little pout of thought. She's lying on her bed in her two-piece dotted pajamas, laptop in front of her.

 _Guest has left the chatroom._

"Hmm, I get the feeling that this is a guy." Nanami muses to herself, holding her index finger to her lip in thought. "Is Hinata involved, too? I wonder…"

She signs out and shuts her down laptop.

"I should pay Hinata a visit soon, too. For old time's sake."

-8-

Hinata holds his palm to his face, staring at his computer screen. He's been cat-napping from time to time, but it's the same old for him. His co-workers seem to worry in silence, not wanting to point out the ugly. Or maybe it's because that Komaeda hasn't said anything, and they think the two of them are just the closest of pals.

 **Yeah, right**.

Hinata's phone rings, and he jumps, blinking. Hanamura and Souda glances. And surprisingly, even Komaeda stopped typing, eyes peering from across the cubicle. Hinata wants to smile; _I earned a stare_! He's too tired to even try it. He picks the ringing phone up, slurring out,

"Hello?"

"- _Hajime Hinata, you have a visitor with something they want to bring you_."

"Huh? Did they say their name?" asks Hinata, eyes fluttering and head nodding against his palm he holds it up against, trying his best not to fall asleep.

"- _Nanami Chiaki_."

"Shit!" He cries out accidentally, straightening and suddenly being wide-awake. It scares his three co-workers, but he doesn't apologize. Like hell he owes them one. "Send her up."

He hangs up and he sighs, raking fingers through his hair. His three co-workers are staring at him, but he doesn't owe them an explanation either, especially _not_ Komaeda. He downs his black coffee in one sip, determined. It's when the elevator from outside the office, in the hallway, dings that everyone's attention is on the doors. Nanami pushes them open, smiling as she sets her eyes on sleep deprived, thinning Hinata. Her smile falls to a worried frown.

"Hajime!" She sighs in his face.

"Ah!" He shakes his head. "What is _that_?"

"Sour bubblegum. It woke you up." Nanami smiles again, laughing cutely. "I brought you lunch!"

"…Oh, Nanami, you didn't have to." He smiles gratefully, embarrassed. "Especially after… _that._ "

Souda and Hanamura are watching in awe. Komaeda goes back to work, hiding his face either on purpose or unknowingly behind his computer. Hinata doesn't know why, but he wants to see what face he's making, either out of jealousy or just some kind of reaction that shows he cares, that he acknowledges, that he feels _something_.

"That doesn't matter," Nanami says softly, poking Hinata's nose. "Sure, what happened was too bad, but it's no reason for us to never talk again, right? The most important thing to adjust to in life is knowing how to move on!"

"…Yeah, you're right." Hinata smiles, and he can't help how wide he smiles. That's just what spending time with Nanami is like with him. Whether she does it on purpose or not, she always knows how to make him laugh and smile, just feel better.

"I'm always right, silly." She sets the bento down on his desk, and stares at his co-workers. "Hey."

"Hello." Hanamura smirks wider, eyes narrowed. He practices it in the mirror in the mornings while combing his hair back, calling it his flirt face.

"Hey." Souda grins, nodding his head at her.

"You're all Hajime's work buddies?" She asks innocently.

"Oh yeah, we're _reeeeeeeaaaaal_ close to Hinata." Souda folds his hands behind his head, dragging out the vowels _too_ languidly.

"You say it so promisingly," Hanamura's nose trickles, eyebrows upturning. "N-not that I m-mind!"

"Dude!" cries Souda, sitting upright. "I'm with Sonia, remember?"

"Not yet, you aren't!"

Nanami is smart. When they start their stupid banter, she loses interest and drowns them out. Hinata has taught her well, or maybe, she's taught him well. But when her attention is fixated on Komaeda, he tenses. Komaeda doesn't stop typing on his keyboard, and Hinata wishes that he could see his face like Nanami probably can from how close she's standing. She stands behind him now, leaning over.

"Hey, hey. Are you one of Hajime's buddies, too?"

The pause makes Hinata's heart pound. It's quiet outside of the other two's bantering that he thinks Nanami and Komaeda hear his heart, but neither of them are saying anything. Hinata swallows thickly, hoping he isn't as pale as he feels.

"I don't know." is Komaeda's answer.

Hinata stands, and pulls Nanami away from his desk gently. Souda and Hanamura are staring over now. Hinata just wishes that he could sink into the floor and never come back.

"Don't talk to him. He's not in a good mood, Nanami."

"I don't know what you're talking about, Hinata-kun. I'm in a _very_ good mood."

"Komaeda, I think you should go take a trip to the break room. You sound pretty exhausted."

"No, I'm actually full of energy."

"No, really, I think you should go."

"I'm absolutely fine, Hinata-kun. Maybe you and your girlfriend should go outside instead. After all, some of us are trying to work here."

"…" Hinata lets go of Nanami, balling his hands into fists and scowling. "What the hell did you… Komaeda, _go_!"

"Don't tell me what to do."

"That's rich coming from _you_!"

"Oh, is it?"

"…" Hinata sighs, palming his face. "Komaeda, please. I don't want to argue with you. If you're not feeling okay, you should go take a breather. Sonia will get worried, too, and—"

"I'm. _fucking_. fine."

Nanami palms her mouth, blinking owlishly. Hanamura grins, strained. Souda clears his throat, laughing nervously and scratching the back of his neck. Hinata draws a sharp breath, walks over, and grabs Komaeda by the back of his suit jacket, tugging him out of the office and towards the restrooms of their level. When they walk in, he pushes him against the wall and glares.

"What the hell is your problem?"

"Ah, it's as I thought then." Komaeda smiles, but it's so obviously forced and his eyes are blank. "I'm happy that you and Nanami seem to be getting along fine. Was there ever a rough patch between you two, I wonder?"

"What are you talking about?!"

"You shouldn't lie, Hinata-kun." Komaeda smiles wider. "It's very bad to lie."

"I didn't lie about anything!" cries Hinata exasperatedly.

"Yes you did!" shouts Komaeda, smile falling and lips quivering as he fights back how hard his eyes sting. "You lied! You lied! You _lied_! You lied about the buffet… You lied about your feelings for me… What else did you lie about, I wonder?" He laughs nervously, breathlessly, inching away from the wall, away from Hinata.

"I didn't lie about my feelings for you!" Hinata grabs him, pushing him back there again. "Didn't you feel that? Didn't you feel how…"

"Let go of me!" Komaeda pulls himself away, hair falling into his face. "But what does it matter? I was stupid to think trash like me could ever feel something as special as _love_ to begin with, whether it was with Mahiru, with you, or with anyone… _So pathetic_."

"Komaeda, don't say that." Hinata grits his teeth. "Don't you get it? I—"

"Don't say anymore, Hinata-kun. You should go, Nanami is waiting for you. It's very rude to keep a lady waiting, you know? Don't let trash like me hold you up…" Komaeda staggered out of the restroom.

"…" Hinata rushes after him. "Komaeda!"

But Komaeda isn't there anymore.


	9. Crossing Paths of Similar Circumstances

_9\. Crossing Paths of Similar Circumstances_

Hinata runs into their office, glancing. Souda, Hanamura, and Nanami turn to him from their conversation, worried. Hinata stares at them, the panic written all over his face.

"Where's Komaeda? Did any of you guys see him…"

"No, Hajime." Nanami shakes her head.

"You okay?" asks Souda.

"What happened?" Hanamura twiddles his fingers, flitting his black eyes about nervously from Hinata's entrance to around the room, as if Komaeda will appear somewhere or something.

"…Hajime, will you talk with me outside?" asks Nanami.

"…Yeah, sure…" Hinata says, distracted. His eyes are on the floor, head racing. Everything that happened in the bathroom is still fresh in his head, and he's conflicted, but most of all, he feels like shit. The blankness in those gray eyes; the quivering of those lips he'd kissed; the stinging of tears in those blank eyes, it makes his chest hurt.

Nanami pulls him outside before he can break down in front of his co-workers. Thankfully, they leave them be. Hinata's green eyes are still downcast, Nanami has pieced it together. She heaves a small sigh, patting his shoulder, and he looks up at her.

"Hajime, do you like that guy?"

"…" Hinata stares at her, in shock.

"Do you?" She asks, puffing her cheeks and pouting. "Tell me the truth, I won't bite."

"I… I can't tell you." He whispers it.

"Why not?" asks Nanami.

"Because if I tell you, then…" _Maybe everything I tried so hard to gain will come undone. Komaeda doesn't know you, sure, but if I tell you how I really feel, there's still a chance that it changes everything._ "I'm sorry, I can't."

"Hajime, don't hurt his feelings. Okay?"

"…Huh?" Hinata picks his head up to see Nanami's serious eyes, still pouting with those puffed cheeks.

"Don't hurt his feelings, Hajime. He really likes you, I can tell. He came to the website, seeking advice. He says he doesn't know his feelings, but one look in his eyes tells me everything 'cause I've seen that look a lot. The look where you love someone a lot, but you feel like you can't have them for the reasons you won't say. The reasons that feel too private." She smiles. "Like why you can't tell me if you like him back or not."

"You said love…" Hinata blinks.

"I did."

"Does that mean…"

"I can't walk you through everything, Hajime!" She lightly hits him upside the head. "Figure him out for yourself, he's going to be _your_ boyfriend."

"Nanami!"

She laughs, smiling. With the chemistry they had had in their relationship, it would be impossible to ever consider that they would break up. Nanami did most of the talking really, but that didn't mean Hinata wasn't a good listener, and he could be if he wanted. She would make him laugh and smile easily, or she would tell him an interesting story from work, and he would reciprocate with his own, mostly complaining about how Hanamura and Souda were brain-dead idiots, and for the most part, she agreed with him.

When they'd been dating, no one was spared the scene of their holding hands walking down the avenue or in the parks nearby, smiling and laughing. Their relationship was looking good, but the problem was the lack of communication from Hinata's part. Nanami had no qualms telling him anything, but he was a different story. He'd never been much of a talker, more of the go-with-the-flow kind of guy, and when she discovered that he was seeking advice from Chihiro behind her back, she was very upset.

Chihiro didn't want to be the reason they broke up, they both knew. They tried to talk about it, but Nanami insisted that Hinata talk to her. He didn't. A bitter week had passed by, and they hadn't exchanged any texts or emails with cutesy emotions or the hearts. Nanami invited him to a restaurant for lunch, talked to him, and broke up with him.

It wasn't abrupt. It didn't scar him forever. It was just… for lack of a better word, the unexpectedly expected. If that doesn't make sense, consider this. You're about to go on a rollercoaster with a good friend of yours – you've never gone on one with this friend, and you're scared of rollercoasters, but you're more scared of letting them down and so, you go with it. You're thinking about all the possibly bad scenarios that can happen. The worst? You scream-cry halfway through the dizzying loop, and at the end of the ride, your friend glances at you, scoffs, and says, "Loser, why am I friends with you?" You expected it, but the fact that it still happened is still unexpected. That's what it was for Hinata.

They sat opposite of each other, in the dim candlelight of the romantic restaurant. They'd finished their food moments ago, and when the waiter returned, asking if they wanted dessert, Nanami said check and Hinata just knew. When they were dating, it was normal for them to go out to eat and always order dessert. It was just their thing, to share a sweet together, feeding each other like puppy lovers, and they were. She reached over and held his hand in his. He stared down, knowing.

"Hajime," she said softly. "I thought about us for awhile, and… I still like you a lot, Hajime. My feelings haven't changed, but I've been wondering, do you even like me?"

Silence, but Hinata's hand was shaking in hers.

"…" She smiled, holding it tighter. "I think you need time to figure things out. I'm cool with being friends in the meantime, and it was nice having this lunch with you. I hope you figure things out quickly, 'cause, even if this is wishful thinking, I'd really be happy giving _us_ another chance."

"…Nanami…" Hinata's voice cracks, and dammnit, why is he getting sappy suddenly? Why is Nanami so understanding? Why is she so sweet to him? What did a jerk like him ever do to be acquitted with such a sweet girl like her? He pulls her into his arms and hugs her tight, managing, "Thankyou so much for… for everything."

Nanami smiles, her eyes falling closed and her arms wrapping around his neck. They're warm like this. She doesn't deny that she misses the nights that the two of them used to be in Hinata's apartment; Hinata sitting upright with her head lying on his lap as she intently played her PS Vita, face scrunched up adorably in concentration and Hinata's fingers dancing along her neck, but never really going anywhere else. She just knew. And she's okay with it.

She loves Hinata, and while it has taken her long to get over what they were and what they could have had if he came back, it's her pure love for him that convinces her to let him go and move on. After all, what kind of best friend would she be if she completely ignored his feelings and pursued him anyway? The short answer is not a best friend at all.

"Find him, Hajime," Nanami pulls away, looking up at him seriously. "He needs you."

Hinata nods, and he doesn't wait for the elevator to come up, he runs down the stairs, frantic, Nanami staring after him with that dreamy smile of hers.

-9-

Komaeda sits alone in a booth of a very dark bar. His throat is tight, seething at his stubbornness. His gray eyes are staring off at the wooden table in front of him, hands around the glass of water, thinking but not really thinking. The music in this bar is loud, synthetic and nonsensical – when you're sober, that is. If he just has a drink, he knows it will all come to place and make sense. He swallows at that, hanging his head lower.

Hinata doesn't know this, because even Komaeda tries hard to forget what a horrible kid he'd been. When he was younger, maybe it was around the same time he had started cutting, but he can't recall… he'd started sneaking his way inside bars and drinking to his empty heart's content. He made friends with the owner of the bar, but they weren't really friends. The favoritism was more or less out of greed from the owner's side, as long as Komaeda had the money, he had full access to the bar, despite his age. While cutting had been another challenge in itself to ignore, quitting his drinking habits had been just as hard, in a different way…

And then, there was his own ex-girlfriend. They met here at this bar. He had been sitting alone and she came up to him, flirtatious pretty thing with pale blue eyes and strawberry blonde hair. It was their relationship that doomed Komaeda into never pursuing another. It ended horribly, but his time with her was very… peaceful, perfect almost. He somehow got her to like him, making her laugh and smile. She clung to his arm, and the two of them drunk, he took her home. Being too conservative of a man, he made sure nothing happened.

She slept in one of the beds, him on the couch. She was surprised he hadn't done anything, and it was then, that she decided she really liked him. It was the beginning of a beautiful and hideous relationship. Komaeda hears the clinking of melting ice in a glass of liquor, and his throat tightens again and his eyes are swirling. How long will he resist for? He hasn't had a drink in a very long time, and that's what he's come here for, isn't it? He drags his tongue absentmindedly over his lower lip, raking his fingers through his hair. The music blares louder, and there's just the pitch darkness around them that makes this so much better than Hanamura's Bar.

Hanamura's Bar has those flashing lights where everyone and anyone can see everything and anything, the dance floor, and the whole bar itself was kind of cluttered to a point where dancing made one patron rub against someone they didn't know. Just remembering that bar makes Komaeda shudder, and he doesn't think about it. Instead, he walks over to the counter and orders a drink, fidgeting with his collar. He only pulled his suit jacket off on the drive here, he couldn't risk going home if Hinata went looking for him.

He sits on a stool instead, next to a girl drinking alone. She seems to be wearing a black sailor dress with long sleeves and a silky red ribbon tied underneath the collar. Her dark hair is long, tied into two braids that are falling at the second step of the stool. Komaeda only glances at her, and she scowls at him through clear glasses.

"What are you looking at, eh?!" She asks angrily. "Oh, I know… I'm the ugliest thing you've ever seen, am I right? Wondering why an ugly thing like me is here, drinking? Oh, not really… no, that's considered normal, isn't it—"

"No, I wasn't." Komaeda gently interrupts. "Sorry, I didn't mean to disturb you." He turns back in front of him, but he doesn't feel the girl turn away, too. It's uncomfortably silent.

The bartender sets Komaeda's drink down. His hands shake closing around the cup and lifting it to his dry lips. The girl notices.

"Are you an alcoholic?"

"I _was_." He corrects, drinking it slowly and savoring how the liquor burns his throat. The throat that had been seething and begging for him to drive himself over here to this bar, and get so drunk that he wouldn't even remember Hinata's name the next day. He downs it in one gulp, requesting another. The bartender and the girl with glasses alike send him disbelieving looks.

"…" She twiddles her fingers, opening her mouth. It's like she wants to ask, but she doesn't think she should.

"By the way, I'm Nagito Komaeda." He turns back to her, outstretching his hand and smiling.

"No handshake, my hands are sweaty." She murmurs, absentmindedly rubbing her hands on the skirt of her dress.

"I don't mind."

"No, really." She grins at him, cheeks flushed.

"It's fine." _You should be worried about touching trash like me to begin with._

"I'm Touko Fukawa—"

He gasps.

"You're…"

"Don't say it!" She claps her palm to her flaming face, embarrassed. "Don't you say _it._ "

"I'm sorry," He laughs breathily, whispering. "I love _your_ books, Fukawa-san."

She blushes.

"If you don't mind me asking," The bartender sets Komaeda's drink down, walking away to serve rowdy customers on the other side. He doesn't turn away from Touko. "Why are you here drinking?"

"…" She grits her teeth. "What got you off your dry spell, eh?"

"Work." Komaeda smiles easily, raising his glass and drinking it slowly this time. "It distracted me, but now it's not helping."

"I see." Touko turns away, glaring down at her drink. "Someone I _passionately, wholeheartedly,_ and _completely, genuinely_ love is marrying someone else!"

"I'm so sorry," Komaeda frowns, because he understands that. He can empathize with that. "Same here. It's just a small reason why I'm here, there are a lot. Did you tell him your feelings?"

"Did you tell her yours?!" She growls.

They simultaneously drink their drinks.

"It's not my place to say, but I think you should tell him." Komaeda smiles, "Maybe from the bottom of his heart, he would return your sentiment and call off the wedding to be with you instead?"

"…He wants nothing to do with me!" Touko cries out, clapping her hands over her face. "Time and time and time again, I tell him over and over and over that I love him, that I'm there for him, that I want and need him, and he ignores me like a fly! I'm not a fucking fly! I'm a woman, a woman in love! Whenever he looks at me, he looks at me with _those_ eyes." Her breathing heavies, cheeks flushing, and Komaeda feels a chill run through him; _oh really?_

"If you know he doesn't feel the same way, why do you keep loving him?" He asks.

"Because!" Touko throws her hands in the air, glaring at Komaeda as if he were the dumbest person on the face of the Earth and to him, he probably is, but jeez… "When you love someone, you will stand by their side, no matter how hard they beat you down and tell you not to! That is what love is! Have you never been in love before?"

"…"Komaeda smiles. "I run away from it, actually."

"Then, that makes you a coward." says Touko quieter, biting on her thumb. "If you refuse to stand by her side, she won't acknowledge your feelings for sure, continue to run away, and the love will dry out as if it were never there."

"I think I'm okay with dying alone." He sags his shoulders, smiling self-deprecatingly.

"What a liar," Touko sneers. "No one is okay with dying alone, not even you or me."

"It's uncomfortable how right you are."

"It's uncomfortable how alike we are."

They drink again.


End file.
